Saturday, June 28, 2008

Passion!©95



In Bloom©08 photograph from Naturalized series-North Carolina Jacquelyn Hughes Mooney





Proudly struttin' in silver streaked slippers...
dazzling emeralds
with a verve....
energy illuminating the midnight sky.

Showering her gifts that whoops & shouts
Thrown about the heavens, her pungent scents.


Cinnamon, lemon of orange blossoms,
creamy magnolia held...

too
long....
in the dark..

it seems.. .


an eternity.


Inspiring...
Coming unannounced heralding with splendored golds & coppered grandeur...


with absolutely no delusions of what she will do.

The audacity!
Spilled heavy laden liquid jasmine...

This lagniappe elle!

Imagine...

Walking accordingly with faith, things not beheld
and proceeding with haste, not wavering


Grasping her bounty....

Leap!


Big City Woman!


" Who are you?

Will you tarry awhile
or
Will you take leave...

quieter then you came?"

"No my sister...

I am here...

with you,

For you...

and by you.

for as long as you need me to.

I am you.
Faith!


I will be called "Passion",

My name is ________
speak it carefully...


Speak of me well.
With all due respect....

Passion!
So much will come, while I am here.
I will tarry awhile to gather up the stars

And sprinkle this confection generously to
light up the way....

Until you are ready to take up the walk,

And talk your talk

with silver streaked slippers illuminating a darkened sky."


All Rights reservedJHM©95

Where Ye'at?




Cloudy Evening Skyline©08 Photograph from the Naturalized series-North Carolina
By Jacquelyn Hughes Mooney


Today as I was packing boxes for my new adventure in life and sorting through things my mind was busy sorting and boxing up things to. For what ever reasons why something that happened to me over 38 years ago popped in my head that I had not thought of in years. It was mind boggling, heart rendering and what I cannot think of anyone I dislike enough to wish on. I will spare the painful details as what occurred is not important here.



When I survived/ fought/begged/ tried to get solace or at least compassion from the very people who should have had my back, been my corner, and been an ally to me turned their backs I grieved & became numb. However underneath the numbness were deep rage, betrayal & loss. This profound loss I lugged for an excruciatingly long time. That anger morph into scores of forms with which I repeated with a variety of people with a profound sadness, a melancholy, a yearning or aching for what I never have had. People who are exploiters or lost souls themselves have an innate almost uncanny ability of sensing vulnerability in another & will use it for what they need at your expense. Yet I smiled put on the face pretending and aching for their love & protection which was not forthcoming & I know it was not theirs to give. I expected them to be there for me & based on where there were at, it should have happened. But my expectation was on where they were at not where they were at.


While it has taken a seemingly extraordinarily long time to get here took on dissimilar faces as I veered back to the side to the fore and then back again. Part of that process was living (and did I), acquiring knowledge and some wisdom along the way. At a point when my life really took hold well came with it a time when it became de rigueur to attend to matters now I had a distinct strength & the fortitude mixed with the wisdom to set matters straight.


I can look back at that time with the sadness & honor it deserves, yet I do not suffer. I’ve just let it be. By no shape of the imagination am I anywhere near where I was then, but I have worked really hard not to. I was not trying to counteract something I am hardwired for but knowing that I have the skills, the intelligence, the resiliency borne of experience that having expectations of people based on my reality and not of what they are or not has been a liberating experience.


No one is impervious to having a story to sing that while it can be fraught with trials, tribulations and travail when and how we get to a point of know where yer’at is highly individualized. So while it does not mean I am dismissive of “dem”, though there are some because where they are in their lives are not healthy for me, but it gives me the security knowing that I do not have to drag them along with me, or ” ’dem” expectations.


So today where am I? Is there a moral to the story? I cannot tell you there is a happy ending because the ending hasn’t happened (yet). But I can tell you unequivocally where I am is absolutely not where I’ve been though I have not gone to (yet) where I have boldly not gone before.


But it’s coming…


All rights reservedJHM6-28-08©

That is why I (will not) keep Singing the Blues08©

Palm Trees -Deux08© Jacquelyn Hughes Mooney- Photograph taken in Jax-ville, Florida


To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.~ Mother Teresa


Where for good or whether it is to feel demoralized, what you put in is what you get out. So be mindful of your words. You may think you not, but be in a quiet place) incidentally you only have to answer to you, no one else will know), and really pay attention to the words you think as well as the one you speak.


If you put martyrdom, victimization, helplessness or hopelessness in your words, you will also eventually show it in deed. Happily the reverse is also true.


No, today you may not be able to move a mountain, but you surely can move a pebble. If you are not able to even do that, you can move (change) a thought.

And replenish it continually just like fuel. In time it becomes second nature.


What you give attention to is what you give it power. So do you want to be power-full or power-less? Like it or not it is up to you.


We all will have a bad day or two or the “no body loves me but my mama, but she may be jivin' too” (as the blues song goes) but if it’s consistent and persistent, then it is no longer a bad day. It is treading dangerously into a unbroken pattern.


I am not that much different in having a funky day or a funky week, but honestly after awhile singing the blues has gone on for so long will wear you out as it will anyone else within distance of you.
So unless you are playing a CD or off to the juke joint for a catharsis, turn it off! For when it is your signature it is ungainly & when your friends, (or the lack of them, which indicates something) have to take a shot of booze before they can come around you should tell you to start paying attention to yourself.


Put on Big Mama Thornton or Muddy Waters or BB King but remember even they at some point put the guitar away and go out & have big fun. They know when the lights go down & they go to town, the curtain lowered they have a life outside of the blues.


There are some things that demand immediacy & relief and we may not be able to get that just yet. And it would be foolish & naïve to think that just having happy thoughts will eradicate the hunger or the suffering. But if bad thoughts or unhappy ones can make one feel badly (and by the way it is catching), then wouldn't good thoughts positve mindfulness can lift the heart & spirit too? And that too is contagious


My thoughts here are not to be confused with clinical depression but of one where people whose very words are always laced with a veneer of sadness and pity for themselves makes you gasp for air. There is a veneer of control involved in that especially when any assistance is met with resistance, all the time.



You ache for them, but at the same time you want to run because the sadness can be contagious and before long others will feel sad too, though before hand they were in a pretty good state. Be mindful that lacing the sadness with humor is still old sweetened sadness. True enough there is a whole lot of in the world to give us angst & sorrow with too much to spare, so why make a default contribution?


Whether it is fair or not, in time people will distance themselves from you, me, whomever if they perceive you with the constant cloud over you as the character in the old Lil Abner cartoon use to have with trouble doom and despair everywhere he went. It is human nature to have balance to have laughter to offset the tears, to have peace to offset the pain, to have rain to offset the heat. So it shall be for you too.


So what is the alternative?


Pile up with goodness in yourself. The goodness maybe that you will change your M.O. and that is goodness in itself. The fact you are still here despite it all is huge. Some are not that fortunate to have that much at there disposal. Truly we are not an island all to ourselves though we may think it when there is despair, but also be mindful that at the close of the day, when you look in the mirror yours is the only face that will reflect back.


Treat yourself with the same loving kindness that you believe or want to believe you give to others. Be vigorous about imbuing yourself with goodness. There is something/ somewhere/ somehow that is good, otherwise we would have all keel over long time ago. Put oil in that lamp so it can to shed light despite the sorrow. But keep it full, replenish it frequently and see if you heart will be lighter & brighter. Step outside yourself and do something for someone else and see if it lifts the load for a moment.


And while you’re doing something for another, break off a piece for yourself and see how good goodness can be.


Now how cool is that?
All rights reservedJHM 6-28-08©

Where y’At? ©08

Before the Dawn©08 Photograph from the Naturalized series by Jacquelyn Hughes Mooney


Today as I was packing boxes for my new adventure in life and sorting through things my mind was busy sorting and boxing up things to. For what ever reasons why something that happened to me over 38 years ago popped in my head that I had not thought of in years. It was mind boggling, heart rendering and what I cannot think of anyone I dislike enough to wish on. I will spare the painful details as what occurred is not important here.


When I survived/ fought/begged/ tried to get solace or at least compassion from the very people who should have had my back, been my corner, and been an ally to me turned their backs I grieved & became numb. However underneath the numbness were deep rage, betrayal & loss. This profound loss I lugged for an excruciatingly long time. That anger morph into scores of forms with which I repeated with a variety of people with a profound sadness, a melancholy, a yearning or aching for what I never have had. People who are exploiters or lost souls themselves have an innate almost uncanny ability of sensing vulnerability in another & will use it for what they need at your expense. Yet I smiled put on the face pretending and aching for their love & protection which was not forthcoming & I know it was not theirs to give. I expected them to be there for me & based on where there were at, it should have happened. But my expectation was on where they were at not where they were at.


While it has taken a seemingly extraordinarily long time to get here took on dissimilar faces as I veered back to the side to the fore and then back again. Part of that process was living (and did I), acquiring knowledge and some wisdom along the way. At a point when my life really took hold well came with it a time when it became de rigueur to attend to matters now I had a distinct strength & the fortitude mixed with the wisdom to set matters straight.


I can look back at that time with the sadness & honor it deserves, yet I do not suffer. I’ve just let it be. By no shape of the imagination am I anywhere near where I was then, but I have worked really hard not to. I was not trying to counteract something I am hardwired for but knowing that I have the skills, the intelligence, the resiliency borne of experience that having expectations of people based on my reality and not of what they are or not has been a liberating experience.


No one is impervious to having a story to sing that while it can be fraught with trials, tribulations and travail when and how we get to a point of know where yer’at is highly individualized. So while it does not mean I am dismissive of “dem”, though there are some because where they are in their lives are not healthy for me, but it gives me the security knowing that I do not have to drag them along with me, or ” ’dem” expectations.


So today where am I? Is there a moral to the story? I cannot tell you there is a happy ending because the ending hasn’t happened (yet). But I can tell you unequivocally where I am is absolutely not where I’ve been though I have not gone to (yet) where I have boldly not gone before.

But it’s coming…
All rights reservedJHM6-28-08©

Friday, June 27, 2008

On the Day©01



I Stand Alone©07
Quilted Visual poetry of Jacquelyn Hughes Mooney




Say...
What would happen on the day...
That artists went away?
How would your universe be altered?
Would it be a dryness?
Or just turn grey?
And would your smile be shrouded in an empty basin?
So utterly estranged?

Can you imagine that day?
When artists went away?
No,
since imagination united with them ...
On a sabbatical cruise?
A sojourn, a hiding place.
On newly shod shoes.
And the vibrant colors...
Of the flamboyant trees that vanished...
Like the Carib did at Bloody River.
Subdued and vanquished they .

And the sounds that mesmerized the moonlight...
Simmering in your ears.
Shall be no more.
My dears...
And multicolored lips in silent speech.
Would be frozen for all times.
There will be no need for word...
To lift, correct or rhyme...
Please teach them!
Or we will be left to mourn...
Alas!
And so forlorn.

In our stead...
With too many Springers, Survivors and trash TVs.
Claiming to be reality.
How unseemly it will be...
When people will exclaim "I dunno"
To thee.
And cursing since they do not have...
The competent words to give authority..
To the untended need to affirm themselves.
That will sit on dead and dusty shelves.

There will be no PBS...
No Cirque de Soilel.
Keller libraries...
Theater forums
"To be or not to be"
American Universoooul Circus
Oy Vey!

Only displaced souls never having a chance
To be still and see.
Museums, salons and universities.
Or be swept away with Bocelli, Horne, Teena Marie or Patsy Cline.
Or feast upon Goodnight, Scott, Slade Kelly or O'keefe's light divine...
Or muse upon Faulkner, Morrison, Mooney
or even McMillian's word to dine.
Or be moved by Ailey, Nicholas...
One and two...
Brishnokov , Jackson's moonwalk ...
Or second line.
Hear the funeral dirge!

On the day the artists went away...
The air is sucked in a vortex.
And giggles were devastated.
And dreams dispelled.
Joy is squandered.
And peace wears out.
The purpose become passive, benign and pointless.
The humanity less humane.

We will...
We must...
We shall.
Grasp hold in a vise like grip.
Upholding the beatous benefactors.
Please keep vigilant and hold fast...
Your artists old and new.
That are tried and true...
From long earned past due.
And moving into future cues.
Otherwise you will soon discover...
What is now undercover.
What is?
Is now past.
Alas!
All rights reservedJHM©01

An Ordinary Day©03



Photograph by Anders Rasmussen-Denmark©08


On an ordinary day, I am still extraordinary.
On an ordinary day, I can rock the world!
How magnificent it is to be alive, to breathe, to be genuinely real!
Dazzle the worlds with you smile be as brilliant as you want!

On an ordinary day, may your life be spectacular!
For it only last for a moment.
Drink plenty from Maisha Maji (life’s waters) until you are full.
And dare to dream, to be bold and to be fearless with love!

On an ordinary night that trails behind an ordinary day…
Look up and behold a shooting star, so impressive…
As it streaks across a blackened sky just being so breath takingingly spectacular…
That millions of stars could only stand still and look

You be that way…

And on any ordinary day, be as extraordinary as you dare…
(How wonderfully made you are!)
Your vision statement can be so impressive…
When you can see what can be accomplish on an ordinary day.
All rights reserved JHM 7-25-03©

Thursday, June 26, 2008

A Sweeter Aroma©07

Photography by Anders Rasmussen-Denmark©08

I walk in my garden and listen to the wind and give thanks for it cools me and my solitude is a balm to the spirit because for so long my spirit belonged to someone else that earned it naught…


To be here in this right now for a good man, a honorable man that earned the right to my heart…
He leaves behind a much sweeter aroma, his weak point overlooked…
While the music of his life lingered, dancing in the fibers of my soul.

She leaves behind a sweeter aroma, wrapped in a memory that time renovated.
Her bruised aches have gone away leaving behind only a whisper of promises
Of superior moments to come.

They left behind a sweeter aroma encased in silk and old linen memories…
In session on a handsome table Sunday morn before the sun broke & smile…
After a stunning night spent at Café du Monde…

In fact, with sweetened chocolate and beignets
Doing a meringue’ wrapped in a pas de deux with my now and my has not been.

I came into a sweeter aroma wrapped in golden threads and purple cloth
The beautiful bolt from the rhythm and the blue
Showcased in a Carolina sky declared

“It will be there”…

In its entire splendor as I think of the rapturous wonder to come
All rights reservedJHM©07

That Darn Brass Ring 08©

Early daybreak in North Carolina 08©-Photograph



A few days ago I had a conversation with several who are in my circle of us friends who’ve expressed great dissatisfaction with their lives and know they are at a stage of wanting to make a quantum leap. And as some of us were chattering one made a comment was made about feeling like they were riding a high-speed merry go round. She was struggling to seize that darn brass ring but somehow the fingertips would only brush the ring, other times she took hold only to discover that some scalawag slicked the ring with butter forcing it slid out of her grasp.
But then all us realized, almost like some cosmic symphony, as we nodded in agreement of her statements when it came down to it if we had a go at it either holding on or let go that we were afraid we’ll fall off the horse.


So we talked at length about reasons, perceptions and expectations of either 1. getting off the merry go round. 2. leaning over and grabbing with all our might that brass ring or 3. get off the merry go round getting a ladder and simply get the brass ring or 4. stop all together, take the marbles and go home. Number 4 was an unwanted, undesireable choice.


I had the group laughing hard when I described my last 6 months and all the excuses I told myself ranging from not wanting to “abandon” my very grown & capable daughter in a place I was most unhappy with. Then out of the Carolina blue, my daughter made the decision to leave and pouf she was gone in a matter of 2 weeks. Two weeks later it dawned on me “Why am I still here" since the very reason I was staying was now gone.


So I was happily making plans to vacate myself when the unexpected turn of events landed me in the hospital & slowed things down. Even as I recuperated I kept rationalizing why I could not go yet. All of us shared our why’s & we were laughing so hard in the midst of tears when we realized that while all good reasons, the bottom line was that as talented and caring as we were, there was still something that will take time to retrain and that is looking at some outside source to give us permission to have a golden life when we had it all along.


Our own permission...


I’ve given myself permission & now preparing to take my own leap of faith July 16,2008 That is the conclusion I've come to is creating my own garden after spending more time then it was worth trying to fit in where I didn't. Perhaps that was a clue and I did not heed. Something in me, a need for belonging that spans my almost 58 years that has acted as towering blockade, putting wedge in my soul in varying, degrees at varying times from being at my complete.


I know of a number of people who are doing that very thing. Taking leaps of faith for something different, if not better. I am not necessarily talking about money, but the time expended on things that don't matter, won't change, not satisfying, exercises in futility, et al was simply not working.


As I am make ready for my dubbed “Great Pacific Northwest Adventure, I know I cannot afford to hold my horses any longer. The dreams I had been calling forth did a fast getaway once & I watched my peace of mind/ health left with them too. I was too reticent to get off the accelerated merry go round, trying to grab that darn ring. I am giving up my house & with the mingy money, take upon that leap catch up to the stampeding dreams.


Yes I know the climate we are living in and if anything that is why it is more imperative to do it now then later. Everyone is not losing their homes, lost their jobs, at the food banks shopping the Dollar Store. Often time, the most inventive, creative outcomes can come from dire circumstances. This is definitely not the time to self oneself short.


We can find many inventive ways to hide ourselves in plain view. They may come in the forms of distractions, from unhealthy people or unhealthy places, to medicating with food, to pain both real & imagined to too many reruns of Law & Order, Good Times or reality TV. Have you ever downplayed your strengths in your actions? I've been told more times then I care to admit from different ones who tell me "You don't realize how powerful you are doing you"? or something of that ilk, but downplayed or temper my actions because I get tired of being beat up on by people who may feel more inadequate then I & don’t like what I do or am.




More then likely you’ve had that experience too unless you’ve lived in a cave all your life. When I did it the end result landed me in a hospital. There was indeed a silver lining though, it has made me really face my reality & that is if I am going to be beat up whether I live out loud or temper myself, there will always , always be someone who will not like what I do, say, look or act. So I might as well be as fully me as possible.


The other day I was listening to Suze Orman on CBS Sunday Morning, one of my favorite shows and part of my morning Sunday ritual, be asked the question as to what is the biggest singular problem in money for most Americans. Her response which first made me laugh out loud and then later think about seriously though not about money was" we spend far too much time & money accumulating, working for things to impress people who we do not know or who we don't even like".


Well we can translate that from money to a number of things. But it made sense to me. I cannot say I am trying to impress anyone, but I would be lying to say that I believe I put too much stock into people's approval. And I know where it stems from & it’s a deeply ingrained though not impossible habit to eradicate.


So here's my perspective I too need to breathe, so I am getting out. I will bring my trusty camera, my necessary clothing, my chutzpah and writing tablets and I am going to sit at the ocean, walk through the rainforest in Olympia, stand at the foot of Mt Rainier & Shasta, hug my grandchildren, meet my future daughter in law, and hug decade’s old friends.


Yesterday I gave up my cat HE for adoption, submitted several of my photographs with questioning or over thinking to Oprah's Breathing Space Gallery (don't matter if they are chosen, just that I did it), took the For Rent sign out of my yard that my landlord put up so I will not be hassled by people peeking in my windows and knocking at my door. I am potting my hibiscus and a few other plants and giving them to the very few people (2) to have that admire my garden and I am off.


At the end of it all or at least at the end of the money, I will not know where I will lay my head, but I know for sure that it won't be here. If the residency gets funded, then I'll be heading to Florida this fall. But until it does I will be like my nomadic ancestors and see where the road takes me. Some will think that I am too old for this (maybe I am, sometimes I think that too).


But too old for what?


There will be times when I will think this is crazy, but its not. What would look like crazy on an ordinary day is to stay on the merry go round or even getting a ladder snatching the brass ring. What may be better is to just leave the darn brass ring behind and live a life golden.

Now how cool is that?




All rights reservedJHM©08

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Yes I can...


Sparks Commentary:

Admittedly, this seems like a daunting task to accomplish. You would have to have the energy and the patience of a super human to act like this every day, all day. But why not try? Easier said then done, but certainly worth the effort. Why wouldn’t you want to be the best person you can be? Sure, we’ll all have moments, even days where we are far from perfect, but isn’t that part of being human? A better way to look at it might be to just put as much effort into being kind to as many people as you possibly can. You won’t touch the lives of everybody, but if you make just one difference, it will all be worthwhile.

Thunderroll

Thundery Billowed Storms ©08 Photograph shot May,2008 in North Carolina

A charcoal-hazed backdrop releases its hoard…
So the impeccably executed arrows can raze the sky.
And the tall trees’ boughs acquiesce to the wind’s bend.
Weighted globules’ lateral bravado pounds the tin roofs.
I see the luminous sparks’ melee adding pizzazz…
But the thunder roll’s memorial executes the power!
Hear the Thunder roll a melodramatic bass and baritone!
(And all the other sounds are given no choice, but to cease)...
To allow the sky’s magnificence to have center stage…
While centuries old oaks pay homage to the thunder roll.
As a wee child, I used no fear; now this grown woman has no quivers.
No longer afraid, I have any shivers.
I now stand to relinquish what was stored.
And revel in the awesomeness of the thunder roll.
All rights reserved JHM Nature Call series 3-13-03 ©
Mardi Gras Mary ©08 watercolor by Gloria Havens ~Washington State


There are painters who transform the sun into a yellow spot, but there are others who, thanks to their art and intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun.
::: Pablo Picasso :::

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Whsipers Getting Louder...


Jasmine Bloom photograph- Naturalized series©08


Have you ever notice that your actions have not been in sync with your words? That you have some action plan, a goal you feel you should achieve, but never get started let along finish it? That somehow we've been out of order in how we see or selves and what it is we do?

What we communicate to ourselves and then to a larger audience of the world sometimes in not harmonious with our dreams and desires.

We all know that 93% of communication is non-verbal, but we put so much emphasis on the 7% that we do not heed when our actions or that of another is screaming rather loudly at us but we dismiss it with "Oh hey/I didn't mean it" Or the classic "You misunderstood" when you understood very, very well.

It may be that perhaps the communicator is not comfortable or willing to as the young'uns say now "man up" or own up to the action and fear perhaps by admitting to the conduct may produce (and sometimes rightfully so) a negative reaction or response to the action. But if that fear is real, genuine & you do not want to deal with it, then perhaps you need to find another mode of behavior.

We all have to work diligently to make sure that our actions are in harmony with our declared goals. There isn't a whole lot that one can do about the behavior of another outside of not liking it, putting necessary distance or put up with it. But we all can have a whole lot to say about what we can change about ourselves

If we are the one instead with out of sync actions/words perhaps we need to reexamine. If it turns out what we say we want because we want to please someone else, then we can stop doing it. There that was easy, eh? No it isn't. It is normal and natural to want or value others. All of us are change agents at one time or another in our lives, whether we like it or not. The key thing is to do what is right for the betterment or good of us without it being to the exclusion of others.


How many times have we said or knew someone else who said (I guarantee it'll probably be easier to see this in someone else rather then ourselves) I deserve better then this" and then proceed not to do the thing that is better or deserving. Then we have other times when what worked well in the beginning stops working or we have grown to where we do not need that tool or skill as much as we had but continue to do it despite the fact that the results are not the same.

And redesigning or re-constructing it into something fresh and out of the ordinary seems to be more then we can fathom. But it isn’t, if we pay attention to the heart that is screaming and not try to shut it up (or down). Who made the decree that Xo r Z could not work with A or E?


Our heart may act by screaming "Stop" Turn around", "Go ahead, it’s all right"! How cool “, but we will disregard it for some unknown reason, even unknown to you. (Or is it?) And if it’s not working, then don't force it to work! If we have to tweak it, round out the edges, rewrite it, go all the weigh to Georgia and back to do it, then do just that.

By the same token you may have others who on the surface look as if to have your best concern, but something in you knows something are out of order. I am not talking about paranoia and overly exaggerated fear that someone is out to get you, but that unsettling "something ain't right" which is you instinct/ your intuition yelling at you.

Intuition is a series life experiences on fast forward & one we tend to dismiss far too easy. Though we live in a cultural mindset that could make one feel uneasy if in time we look, look again, pay attention to yourself that you will tell the difference between something new and innovated & not someone out to get you . One way or another, if you perceive your actions are incompatible with your words. Even if it is a whisper, take heed. It may not be the action that needs a readjustment, but what you consider your mission or goals. If it’s the mission or the action, make that move. The decision is yours for movement and at the end of the day you’ll savor every bit of the ride and be all the better person for it.

Now how cool is that?
All rights reservedJHM©08

Your Actions are Shouting...

Sparks Reflection:
Do you know what your priorities are? Maybe you say that your family and your health are the most important, but do you reflect this in your daily functioning? Sometimes, work and other things can take too large of a role in people’s lives. They get too caught up in what is going on around them and forget to focus on what is important to them. Sit down and decide what values and beliefs you hold and stick to them. Figure out what is most important in your own life and put this first. Everything else will fall into place around it.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Purple Flowers on Carriage Row


Leaves in a Cloudy Sky


From the Naturalized Series©08

Tiger Lily Spring






Raspberry in the Rain





From the Naturalized Series©08

Dewed Drop Leaves





From the Naturalized Series ©08

Branch in Carolina Blue Sky ©08

From the Naturalized series ©08

To make it or to endure it...



There are two kinds of (wo)man: the ones who make history and the ones who endure it.
~ Camilo Jose Cela, Spanish novelist

History is written all around you every day. It may not be herstory that makes the college textbooks, but it's your history just the same. Do you make your own herstory? Or do you endure the life that others make for you?


When you choose a direction and dedicate yourself to it, you make history.


When you listen to naysayers who convince you that it can't be done, you endure history. When you set your priorities and stick to them, you make history. When you get distracted by things that you find useless, you endure it.


When you decide to have a good day, you create a life you want. When you allow outside forces to dictate your mood, you get the life that's given to you.


There are an infinite number of possible herstories out there, waiting to be lived. Whatever your life has been up to this point doesn't matter. What counts is the history that awaits you in the future. Which do you choose?


Sunday, June 15, 2008

Remembering the good times, learning from the bad

Photo of Polar Bear watching hunters They are now on the endangered list due to global warming

Shut out all of your past except that which will help you weather your tomorrows.

~ William Osler





Memory can be used for good or for evil. If you use your past as a source of learning, it's worth remembering. If, however, all you do is mull over your mistakes and punish yourself for your failures, it's a waste of time.


Rehashing failure can paralyze you in mortal fear of making another mistake, which, of course, just makes the feeling worse and practically guarantees future letdowns. The key to making meaningful changes is to pay more attention to the future than to the past.


Have you ever noticed that the best athletes also have the shortest and most selective memories? Instead of dwelling on a missed shot or a flawed dive, they concentrate on making corrections and getting the next one right. It's as if the failed attempt never happened. It's forgotten and they don't fear trying again.


If you mess up, even in an epic, life-altering way, work hard to leave it behind and concentrate on the possibilities yet to come. Tomorrow is much brighter when it's not smeared with a fixation on yesterday.~

www.SparksPeople.com Healthy Reflections

That's what I'm Talking About!

(L to R) Andrea, Kiki (Jacquelyne) and Trishaa.

This is my first grandchild graduating from highs school 6-12-08. She is off to college in the fall as a pre-law major. Her mom (to the left) will be graduating with her Masters in Education in July. She is a teacher in mathematics.


Her aunt to the left will be entering dental school in the fall..

Time to be a mom and crow for a moment, to see some of the fruition of the sacrifices one has made to see this happen. All my children and my grandchildren all have tremendous artistic sensibiities. And I am delighted as the "moonwalkers" move to a new stage of life.
Way to Grow Kiki!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Isaiah's Dream ©08

Photo Isaiah's Dream: All rights reserved JHM©08


Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men ~
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

If You were to Leave Me08©




08©

You remind me of a sunrise," I said on the day my eyes fell on your face.


And your name becomes my mouth...


Feeling like chilled honeydew melon on parched lips


While Santa Ana winds carried all around me.


That I be in the right place, you to me & I to you & you to thee…


I am as here as I could be gift wrapped by your words...


And a dressing gown of your voice and draped in your smile.


If you were to go away right now it would be like the air stopped at half past not anything...


If you were to leave me now I would be like Shakespeare's...


To be or not to be that is the question whirling on the Ferris wheel...


If your were to leave me now all I would have isA melody of silenced stringed notes…


A cosmic symphony of no mores


That would have an audience of one


Though you may never know of how I deeply I loved you…


I vowed I would never forget you...


Though your name had been quieted by time...


Jubal…


This is what I remembered of love to be like at 16.


All rights reservedJHM912-08©

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

You not gonna worry me!

That is a classic statement a woman I knew years ago would say when people unnecessarily and wasted energy focused on things that are not even there and seem to want to believe they know you or have some particular insight into your life.

And if they really did have special insight they would know that the imagined hurt is a figment of their imagination and not one kernel in reality.

Then the question becomes why is it that important to them to spend an exceptional amount of time and stabbing themselves over with many pains over something that is non-existent? The quote about what you give attention to you give it more power rings well here.

So when there is nothing you can really do about it other then let them be, then one must do it. Let them be...

And say like my girl says "You not gon' Worry Me"

Stand inside Yourself ©03



When the voices of the world go in quest to drown out all your dreams…
You must stand inside yourself.


When the downpour drenches your heart and your ears grow to heavy to hear…
You need stand inside yourself.


While the blistering sun threatens to scorch you to near ashes…
And boulders’ rain blows on what remains of your life…
You have to stand inside yourself.

As nothing will come from you’re compromising with your discomfort.
Or being reduce to a blank from defeat’s resignation.

When you accede to the world’s voices that craves to demolish you.

Cry if you must…


Storm if you dare.


But then listen to the voice that sang sweetly right under your breath.
And receive the courage to stand tall!

If you are drowning, tread water.
(You have nothing to lose).


When you stand still inside yourself.

And the downpour?



Use it!



To cleanse your heart.


And the heaviness can embolden you to be powerful.
Let the blistering sun’s scorches rid you of the ashes that need to be gone.
So resignation can be altered into being still and see the magnitude of Jah!
The blank face will change to a clean slate…


And the soul’s cry grows into a lustrous silence right below one’s breath.
When you stand inside yourself



(if you wanna).




All rights reserved JHM ©03

Someone got Ready...©08



Today I ran into a former a business acquaintance of mine .

He was positively glowing and seem happier then I had ever seen him & I had to tease him a bit about who was the new love in his life.

Well turns out he had quite smoking several weeks ago and it showed! When I asked him how did he do it and turns out he had been in the hospital a few weeks ago and spent 8 days and did not smoke. He thought then "Well if I went 8 days without a cigarette I could just continue"...

And so he did.

He looks great, really great and tells me he is enjoying food, the wonderful tastes and has even cut back greatly on coffee and Coke. In the four years I have made his acquaintance he sometimes would subsist only on cigarettes, coffee and coke. And had tried to quit smoking for over 10 years. This was a person who had struggled for 30 of his 50+ years with alcohol and substance abuse, lost a leg in a shootout in his teens managed somehow to overcome his addictions but could not could not seemed to stop smoking.

Never could he maintain a loving relationship with a woman, he loved women, but like some people rebuff when a woman got to close and wanted rightfully so a more committed, loving relationship with him. This was a man that had a lot to offer but did not see that he was worthy to allow someone to love him completely and find fulfillment.

According to him he has a nasty temper and I have witnessed it twice myself, but have always known him to be able easily to humble himself and apologize for his actions. What ever shadows were chasing him all his life he seem not to be able to put them down and rest. This was a man who cam from a 2 parent loving home, had his needs met, but somewhere along the line from what little he felt free to tell me, he did not think he was worthy.

In school he was teased and mocked a lot as he is not a tall man and quite slender, but did have a certain attractiveness about him and my suspicion there was some envy on the parts of the one who persecuted him.

But at the end of the day, he did find something deep in him that first gave him the ability to work on the alcohol & illegal drugs and now cigarettes. I've seen him start & stop counseling so many times that none of his friends batted an eye when he would try again.

But he did it, he did try again.

And so can any on us whatever it is that is holding you back or down. Like the Chinese proverb "Fall down seven, get up eight" You just keep getting up and starting where you are.

You owe it to yourself and you owe it to the rest of the world to be the best possible human being you can.

His examples shows that when a person is ready, really ready, they will do it.

And how cool is that?

All rights reservedJHM©08

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed."Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions--and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.The sand is everything else--the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. "

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first --the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Monday, June 9, 2008

When it is no longer Golden ©08

Cassia fistula -Golden Shower


I think we've all have had it happen at one time or another of someone or something that is absolutely bent on making you, the next door neighbor, the shoe shine man and anyone they come in contact with as miserable and shallow as they are.

You try forebearance, patience, humor, understanding, a dollop more of patience/compassion/humor, but their point is only to fill themselves up. And what they want to fill themselves up with is nothing they can get from you.
Or anyone else.

Their actions aren't from orignal thought, they have turn almost into an art form a manipulation, near parasitic urges to have what they could have all along if they had only looked inside themselves and work hard toward it.
But unfortuantely there is almost a spiritual laziness, looking for the easy out instead of good hard work. Its a laziness borne of hunger, spiritual malaise from being malnourished, too weak, so they think, to do something to restore themselves in a healthy way though unfortunately sometimes they do not get it until it is too late to be resurrected.

So what is one to do when one of these leech types threaten to suck the marrow out of their host?
There those times when you need to say clearly, enphatically & succintly to back off. There is no guarentee that they will, but you are setting a boundary in how far you will go to tolerate bad behavior. What you do after that depends greatly on the circumstance, your temperment and how willing you are to go.

But make note that many of these types of people are like a tree I understand is home to India called in its folk name "Golden Shower" It is a magnificent tree to look at with beautiful flowers blooming in abundance. But the Golden Shower trees is highly invasive and parasitic and once it takes root it is near impossible to eradicate. It will overgrow, smother any other plant that has the misfortune to be anywhere near, depriving the other plants of nutrients, water, sunlight and the ability to grow and prosper.

There are people that are like the Golden Shower tree. They will come along looking for a host to carry it to its next destination and once they get their roots growing they will invade until the other person figuratively die. That is if you let it or them suck the very air out of you. Remember it is necessary for them to have something to hold onto for life and energy and they will do whatever is necessary to grasp and hold on. Their very life in their eyes depends on it.

Unlike the Golden Shower Tree, these parasitic types can be uprooted and especially if you recognize it before it goes too far. I would suspect the majority of the times people who are invasive like this are not evil people. By no shape are they. The majority of the time they are very scared, lonely people who had another golden shower-like person to deprive them of necessary nutrients, water, air, light and the ability to grow. So they become stagnant, or dormant or stunted and truly on some level really do believe they can do it on their own.

And while you can have compassion for them, they are not a tree with no conscious thought or for that matter a conscience. They absolutely do have the ability to uproot and move out of the way so they can indeed grow. Unfortunatley they do not believe it and continue what they know.

So how far you go to grow and not allow them to suffocate you depends greatly on how or what they are doing matters to you. We all have to choose our battles and some things are far more important and outweigh any need to comtinue with them.

And then there are those times you have to make your position perfectly clear whether they heed it or not. Because it isn't for them, your stating your position. It is for you because one way or another they will move on, invade somewhere else until there is not left to suck dry.

Then in the end they are still what they had always feared the most.

The will be alone with themselves

And that is not cool

All rights servedJHM6-9-08©

Extra Straw poem ©03



I haven’t left yet, if you noticed.


But you need to cut me some slack…


And don’t put that extra straw on my back.


Don’t lay me as the enemy mine…


I am not the bearer that you should be wary of.


But the one who stayed, when the shadowy locust feasted…


And sped away.


I know you are vulnerable and trying to gain some control…


But you need to cut me some slack…


And don’t put that extra straw on my back


All rights reservedJHM8-4-03©

Lift every voice quote


It is better to not see an insult then it is to avenge it~ Seneca

Sparks People Translation

Unfortunately, there are just some flat out negative people in the world. Everyone has run across someone, (maybe even a friend of yours), that always finds flaws in others. Sometimes, the person on the receiving end of an insult could be you. There are different ways to deal with this however. You can turn defensive, or send an insult right back at them, perhaps plot revenge for later on. Or, you could simply let it go. Why stress about some mean spirited comment someone said about you? Besides, they are only words. If it helps, try and think of a few positive aspects about yourself. Remember that was only one person’s opinion; there are others who do not feel the same way. The more and more you can forget about insults, the more relaxed you will be. So, as they say in New York, forget about it!

www.sparkspeople.com

Dey Nile



©08

When I was a little girl probably no more then 9,I loved doll houses. I never was a fan of playing with dolls but I loved doll houses. I would spend hours rearranging the furniture, those little plastic miniaturized versions of furniture as well as the ones painted on the inside walls. I was bound and determined somehow I would find a way to take those pieces painted off the walls so I can really make the place House Beautiful or worthy of HGTV. Of course it never happened, but what I know that it did helped me stretch my imagination and creativity to become what I can do best today. But clearly then, (though I know ones would forgive me), that I was in denial. but what would a 9 year old girl know about denial?


But today, as a full board certified grown woman I know as probably the majority of us do, on some level when we know we are in denial of something. Today while in my head I think I have a wonderful voice and could sing like Patti Labelle or Minnie Riperton, the reality is my voice is more like a wildebeest in heat then either one of these divas. Please understand I am not being cruel to myself. I've recorded my voice and when you roll over and fall off the bed in laughter, you know that it is pretty bad. There are a few tunes I can do a decent job on, but the reality the chances of my getting a recording contract are slim to zero.


So I am not in denial of my skills. But it does not stop me from singing out loud, I am simply merciful to others that when I do I am completely alone. My denial would come if I decided I could try out for American Idol or some other show and even after I am told, saw the video, dogs start to howl, the car alarm goes off and people fled the scene to continue on this path.

All the heart, soul & belief in the world is not going to change what is.

And so we should consider that about being in "Dey Nile" (and I am not talking about the river in Egypt). At some point or another we have done it as truth can indeed be painful and especially if it is something that we want so badly to be if we are getting something out of it that we need. But most of us do not spend our entire lives in denial, setting up scenarios, events or people causing trouble, pain & disappointments in ourselves and others because we have held on to a belief system which probably in the beginning was not true or even if it was that we no longer are at.


But sometimes there are some of us who hold onto the lie for dear life as we see it as all we have, even when the denial is killing us literally, figuratively or spiritually. And we end up creating conditions that would pile up that belief. I would suspect that at one time or another we've all done it even when no one else knows & if the only person we are impair is us. There are some who expend tremendous energy & thought into this joint, a party with no guest and even the host wants to leave.. But we can plug it up, reject and redirect that energy to having a magnificent soirée replete with impressive food, splendid music, brilliant company with lofty conversation if one chooses.


However those who thrive and live to being martyrs are bent on finding where it doesn't exist, scenario of attacks or people out to get them because they have this huge reservoir of necessary suffering they need to keep filled first because they believed the lie & secondly, they may not know what else there is to do. Though to the contrary there is so much abundance it could fill us up for several lifetimes.


Now don't mistake, I am a board certified dreamer. I think it is wonderful to indulge in creative license. But I do know when I am living in the moment, in reality and know the difference between the two. But then you see others (and it appears to me the ones who are hurting the worst) pride themselves in dealing with "reality" when their reality very well could be a lie, of being in denial. And somehow their saying they "only" dealing with reality is said with a certain amount of piety and that reality is painful and one must suffer. But reality is also a beautiful thing & does not have to hurt one lil bit.

And I will take the risk here to venture that sometimes denial can be a protection particularly when there has been far too much audio graffiti. When you were assailed as a child denying your beauty and humanity, or as an adult when people howl, harm and hurt with all sorts of things that can be indescribable, denial can be a buffer and a protection to keep you breathing and functioning until you can clear away the suffering.

To a point.

Then denial can end up being that albatross, an anvil that will drag you, hold you down imprison you. It can deny you of your humanity and a whole wonderful world that can nourish and give provisions that you may not know are there until you face yourself. And then discover that facing you can be a absolutely wonderful place and a wonderful person to be.

So when you see yourself floating on a barge down the Nile eating grapes or as the 9 year old me happily engaged in rearranging the painted wall furniture in the doll house, know that one day you could be a extraordinary human being or in my case a pretty good artist and designing the furniture in real life that used to be on that wall.

Now how cool is that?

All rights reservedJHM08 ©

Saturday, June 7, 2008

The HeART of the Matter ©03




While the water laughed all around me…
And the wind opened its mouth to sing this song to me…

Again...


“I was moving backward on a forward highway
Shall I question ...


Again?


If this is what makes me whole?”
That is, for me, the heart of the matter.

This…
This thing, I am tilted toward…


Is it a renaissance?


Regeneration?

Can this phoenix bend the river’s current to what needs fulfillment?
For me, it is the heart of the matter.

Leading a satisfied life is my heart’s dream.
Throughout my soul are songs reaching for what beyond what I settled for.
Suppressing no more as the bough breaks
The matters of the heart, is for me.


No longer fine with regurgitated whine.
A sad, sad song spinning its wheel...
All that it kicked up was dirt…
But going nowhere in so much hurry.

Can I do it?


Will you do it?
Turn on the light!


Banish the shadows, so I can shine.
That is the heart of the matter.

Let me whisper loudly from my heart’s recesses.
I need to walk proudly graced with dignity.
And preserve all the beauty that is going forwardly through the shining waters.
It is I, the heart that matters.


All rights reserved JHM 13-03©

Are you leading a Fraudulent Life?

Ranger Station Olympia State Park, Washington


08©

Today is a time when a person is extolled to live a quality life, a superior life, to live in the moment, to live a life of integrity and one of peace. At no other time in history has so much information been available to guide one with tools and skills to achieve a superior life. However, despite all of that there are still people who will not reach for their highest potential but often times will actually seek their lowest common denominator by living a fraudulent life.


Which can be disheartening as it is as easy or as hard as you want it to be to be the original you as there is not one other person on this amazing earth who is exactly like you who is so wonderfully made, so why settle for anything less? Yet there will be those who as one poet said rather have “contorted nonsense” then to take as much time as needed to lift them up rather then expend energy in the quest of having a fraudulent life by mimicking others.


I know most of us have at one time or another have heard the phrase “Imitation is the highest form of flattery". We have probably had it said to us or reference to another person.


Can you imagine for one moment what would have happen if Jesus Christ became imitators of men rather then fulfilling his God-given responsibilities even to the point of being that ransom sacrifice for all of mankind including the ones who vilified Him and put Him to death?


Can you imagine for a moment if we all became imitators of Christ? And how happier we would be? And while in a whole different category, imagine for a moment of all those untold heroes and sheroes who had a vision a belief and spent their lives and some of them cut short, because they were reaching out not only to live their highest life, but leaving a legacy to be emulated?

Imitation in itself is not necessarily a bad thing particularly if it’s for the common good, but credit should always be where credit is due. Unfortunately for some, there is a tendency of mimicking other people, plagiarizing their words, actions or thoughts, then somehow believing if they write the words differently or does it long enough they can convince others or even more sadly, themselves, that what they are doing is original or of their design.


The late Dr. Martin Luther King when introduced to the words of Gandhi by his wife, the late Corretta Scott King, routinely quoted and used Gandhi’s words in many of his speeches. He even went so far as to pattern what became a huge Civil Rights Movement in the 60’s pattering the concept of non-violence on Gandhi’s words and actions. The crucial part, he never took Gandhi’s words and accepted credit for them.


The great wise King Solomon in the Book of Ecclesiastes said "there is nothing new under the sun". It’s been done, maybe a different spin on it or maybe a deeper definition on something, but it’s been done.


It would simply be a far more honorable thing for one to acknowledge in word and deeds what might have inspired them to be a better person, to lead a better life and not behave as if they have operated in a vacuum. Unfortunately sometimes when people behave in a fraudulent manner, it might not necessarily come from a willfully harmful place, but more of unsureness that what they have to offer to themselves and the world might not be enough. But instead of taking A.I.M

Advance-do something differently


Invest- in some quiet time


Mellow- Self explanatory
They would prefer investing their energy in selling themselves short.


The beauty is there isn't a person on this earth that does not have something wonderful to contribute to the world, so the effort that is put in imitating someone demeans not only the one imitated but in the end demeans the imitator more so. And the unfortunate part is when you commit fraud, in the end when it is reveal you are the one who is harm in the end.


It is far better for people to be a most excellent rendition of themselves rather then a fraudulent ".other”. And by doing that they not only lift themselves up, but they lift up the rest of the world in the process.

Now how cool is that?


. All rights ReservedJHM6-6-08©

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Holding My Fire©08~ Fit Matters newsletter 6-4-08


©08

I got a secret, now if you promise not to tell anyone else, I’ll tell you my secret…
Are you ready for this?
There has always been this little part of me that used to be much louder, but I have been holding my fire with bated breath for someone to come along and save me, protect me to make my life somehow better.

Whew! That felt better.
And I know another secret that I have to hold you to on the point of hanging you by you hair and torturing you with a feather.

Promise?

Here it is… I am not alone in those thoughts!

And I would suspect these are universal yearn for and hankerings of human beings from the beginning of time to know that we matter to someone and that we are cherished. That someone eyes light up a little brighter when we walk into a room. And I do not see where it will take away from my ability to take care of myself or make me any less a capable or autonomous woman, just a very human one.

Once upon a time in the not so distant past, I, like a lot of other people had great angst and hurt because no one I mean no one it seemed cared enough of me to cherish me. I’ve had more then my share of people who used me, who feigned friendship (was it them or me?) making me and my life more like the Dew Drop Inn where for the price of a few minute of attention you can have a genourmous (bigger then hugemongous) party, trash the house and then move on at my expense?

And while I thought I was successful in getting them out before the cops came and charge with disturbing the peace, I was still left with the trash & debris. I got fatter, more anxious, more injured because of one thing. I had left the dag-gone tape running.
We know the one, as we have hit that play button often ourselves. The one that told us that that no matter what we would be triumphant in including winning the Nobel Peace Price, found the cure for cancer, solve world hunger & establish peace, wrote five award winning novels, an Emmy, Oscar, Tony and a Grammy, can make a mean to die for low fat, non-dairy omelet with tofu, but we are not enough unless there is someone to care for us or about us.
Of course I am exaggerating here, but so is the tape. A gross amplification of what life really is and what we are in that life. While I had been to a large degree was turned down the volume, I did not think to take the tape out and destroy it so it continue to drone on unremittingly.
So we hold back our fire, I know I did it, though there are many times I couldn’t hold that fire back.
Despite the low grade tape still incessantly running nearly inaudible in my conscious thoughts, I did some things quite well and far more successful then what some of the silhouette people had prophesied.


I read this quote last night “You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger then your faith” ~Mary Manin Morrissey.
The desire to be cared for and cherish is not wrong, it s very human. It’s when we allow that honest need to override our dreams, that when it takes third row center in our lives that it tap dances all over our faith in doing what is right those we will have problems.
The hitch is not putting the tape on mute, but pulling it out from what ever device its in, smash it, toss it in the recycling bin or delete it permanently & go on out there, release that fire to win the Nobel Peace Price, found the cure for cancer, solve world hunger & establish peace, write seven award winning novels, an Emmy, Oscar, Tony and a Grammy & make a mean to die for low fat, non-dairy omelet while you're at it..
The rest of us will be all the more better for it and we will cherish you for it. Now that just might be me.

And how cool is that!

All rights reservedJHM©08