Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Holding My Fire©08~ Fit Matters newsletter 6-4-08


I got a secret, now if you promise not to tell anyone else, I’ll tell you my secret…
Are you ready for this?
There has always been this little part of me that used to be much louder, but I have been holding my fire with bated breath for someone to come along and save me, protect me to make my life somehow better.

Whew! That felt better.
And I know another secret that I have to hold you to on the point of hanging you by you hair and torturing you with a feather.


Here it is… I am not alone in those thoughts!

And I would suspect these are universal yearn for and hankerings of human beings from the beginning of time to know that we matter to someone and that we are cherished. That someone eyes light up a little brighter when we walk into a room. And I do not see where it will take away from my ability to take care of myself or make me any less a capable or autonomous woman, just a very human one.

Once upon a time in the not so distant past, I, like a lot of other people had great angst and hurt because no one I mean no one it seemed cared enough of me to cherish me. I’ve had more then my share of people who used me, who feigned friendship (was it them or me?) making me and my life more like the Dew Drop Inn where for the price of a few minute of attention you can have a genourmous (bigger then hugemongous) party, trash the house and then move on at my expense?

And while I thought I was successful in getting them out before the cops came and charge with disturbing the peace, I was still left with the trash & debris. I got fatter, more anxious, more injured because of one thing. I had left the dag-gone tape running.
We know the one, as we have hit that play button often ourselves. The one that told us that that no matter what we would be triumphant in including winning the Nobel Peace Price, found the cure for cancer, solve world hunger & establish peace, wrote five award winning novels, an Emmy, Oscar, Tony and a Grammy, can make a mean to die for low fat, non-dairy omelet with tofu, but we are not enough unless there is someone to care for us or about us.
Of course I am exaggerating here, but so is the tape. A gross amplification of what life really is and what we are in that life. While I had been to a large degree was turned down the volume, I did not think to take the tape out and destroy it so it continue to drone on unremittingly.
So we hold back our fire, I know I did it, though there are many times I couldn’t hold that fire back.
Despite the low grade tape still incessantly running nearly inaudible in my conscious thoughts, I did some things quite well and far more successful then what some of the silhouette people had prophesied.

I read this quote last night “You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger then your faith” ~Mary Manin Morrissey.
The desire to be cared for and cherish is not wrong, it s very human. It’s when we allow that honest need to override our dreams, that when it takes third row center in our lives that it tap dances all over our faith in doing what is right those we will have problems.
The hitch is not putting the tape on mute, but pulling it out from what ever device its in, smash it, toss it in the recycling bin or delete it permanently & go on out there, release that fire to win the Nobel Peace Price, found the cure for cancer, solve world hunger & establish peace, write seven award winning novels, an Emmy, Oscar, Tony and a Grammy & make a mean to die for low fat, non-dairy omelet while you're at it..
The rest of us will be all the more better for it and we will cherish you for it. Now that just might be me.

And how cool is that!

All rights reservedJHM©08

No comments: