I came across these poems from 14 years ago in the first few years of my defining myself as an artist and as a woman. I was 45-ish or so when I started. When I reread I was thinking "Girl Power"" the awakening in a public way the sum of who I was becoming.
Funny thing is I was less in dimension then where I was to come from the standpoint of weight, but living a life in So. California where )not often in malice, there is a "women can only fit one module of size"/it it don't fit you must get equipped" mindset that is faux reality based insistence. Many would try to push off on me/you/others how THEY wanted to defined and and was going to cram it down my/ours/yours throat whether I/we/you wanted it or not.
I never believe it & the "punishment" was being meted out was if I/you/we if we would not conform i.e shrink means one can beat up on in subtle & not so subtle ways. One would be criticized,analyze, ostracize & then paralyze because one would not conform to a faux "norm".
Let me be the 1st to say it is not a California thing. Very rare will one can find anywhere nowadays where people aren't there to "help"; well-intentioned, sometimes misguided but not taking you into consideration before "helping".
In 1994 I wrote this poem when I gave "birth" to my Big City Women quilts:
Big City Woman
By Jacquelyn Hughes Mooney 94©
Grand, expansive, large, full, embodied, healthy huge, extraordinary, plus, substantial......
Are all the adjectives that others have politely used to describe my girth,
when they don't want to hurt my feelings...
How much more, I wish they would notice that those words apply more aptly,...
when they don't want to hurt my feelings...
How much more, I wish they would notice that those words apply more aptly,...
Though they would never admit it…
to my heard, spirit and stature.
All Right reserved for Here I a quilt 8-16-94©
Here I am quilts (above 1994) Below 1997
Now this poem went through several growths to this:
Big City Woman
By Jacquelyn Hughes Mooney©08
Brimming, bursting, embodied, expansive, extraordinary, full, grand, healthy.
Immense, laden, large, magnitude, healthy, huge, substantial, suffused, personified,
represents, replete...
Oh my goodness!
What a difference a word can make!
And it matters to me, when all been said and done...
Of what words you use when you speak of me.
It matters...
But not quite like what you think.
But it matters...
How you saw me or thought of me...
Was not my business?
Some of you claimed you were trying to "spare me"
Please!
Or you were concerned about my health...
Spare me!
Or were you sparing yourself of discomfort when you are in my air?
I thought I was a pretty groovy before you came along to "help".
Let just get on down and say what is on your mind, as I surely will tell you what is mine.
Let us just wipe out those tired wo' out trite and tired euphemisms.
Those "polite" ways to describe my girth...
When you try to find proper adjectives to contain my fullness and restrict me.
You claim you don't want to "hurt" me, you are only trying to "help"...
But did you ask me what help I needed.
Spare me and please I excuse your "help"...
That could be put to better use somewhere else.
There are many roads going to the same destination...
Mine are just more lushly cushioned for the parade.
I wrap my endowment in lace and my flashy red bra,
And my leather skirts, that yes, I dare to wear.
I didn't think I needed your permission to do it.
I can sway as graceful in silk and taffeta and finely woven linen as the Grande dame...
That I am.
But I command you and expect you to be more adept at the words you use.
Take those same words and describe the immenseness of my beauty...
The magnitude of my imagination...
My substantials wit and drive...
My intelligence suffused with humor...
And check out my extraordinary, brimming immense capacity to love & to be loved.
What a difference a word can make!
And it matters to me, when all been said and done...
Of what words you use when you speak of me.
It matters...
But not quite like what you think.
But it matters...
How you saw me or thought of me...
Was not my business?
Some of you claimed you were trying to "spare me"
Please!
Or you were concerned about my health...
Spare me!
Or were you sparing yourself of discomfort when you are in my air?
I thought I was a pretty groovy before you came along to "help".
Let just get on down and say what is on your mind, as I surely will tell you what is mine.
Let us just wipe out those tired wo' out trite and tired euphemisms.
Those "polite" ways to describe my girth...
When you try to find proper adjectives to contain my fullness and restrict me.
You claim you don't want to "hurt" me, you are only trying to "help"...
But did you ask me what help I needed.
Spare me and please I excuse your "help"...
That could be put to better use somewhere else.
There are many roads going to the same destination...
Mine are just more lushly cushioned for the parade.
I wrap my endowment in lace and my flashy red bra,
And my leather skirts, that yes, I dare to wear.
I didn't think I needed your permission to do it.
I can sway as graceful in silk and taffeta and finely woven linen as the Grande dame...
That I am.
But I command you and expect you to be more adept at the words you use.
Take those same words and describe the immenseness of my beauty...
The magnitude of my imagination...
My substantials wit and drive...
My intelligence suffused with humor...
And check out my extraordinary, brimming immense capacity to love & to be loved.
This is that Big City Woman that I adore to be!
5-30-08JHM©
I did not become especially enlighten in the 14 years that passed between the 1st draft & the last one; I was, however very wrapped up in the beauty that in 1994 was unfolding and now letting it shine.
This is the other one that showed my love was on purpose.
Passion
Passion en Deaux©95
By Jacquelyn Hughes Mooney©94
Proudly strutting in silver streaked slippers…
Dazzling emeralds with a verve and energy…
Illuminating the midnight sky showering her gifts that whoops and shouts….
Thrown about to the heavens, her pungent scents...
Of cinnamon, lemon of orange blossoms, creamy magnolia held too long in the dark…
It seems, an eternity.
Inspiring…
Coming unannounced heralding with splendor gold’s coppered grandeur…
With absolutely no delusions of what she will due.
The audacity!
Spilled heavy-laden liquid jasmine, this lagniappe Elle.
Imagine…
Walking accordingly with faith…
Things not yet beheld and proceeding with haste, not wavering.
Grasping her bounty.
Leap!
Big City Woman! Who are you?
Will you tarry awhile?
Or will you take leave quieter then you came?
“No my sister, I am here with you, for you and by you, for as long as you need me to.
I am you.
I will be called Passion…
My name is (fill in your name)
So much will come, while I am here.
I will tarry awhile to gather up the stars and sprinkle this confection generously to light up the way.
Until you are ready to take up this walk and talk your talk…
With silver streaked slippers illuminating a darkened sky.”
All rights reservedJHM 7-5-94©
Dazzling emeralds with a verve and energy…
Illuminating the midnight sky showering her gifts that whoops and shouts….
Thrown about to the heavens, her pungent scents...
Of cinnamon, lemon of orange blossoms, creamy magnolia held too long in the dark…
It seems, an eternity.
Inspiring…
Coming unannounced heralding with splendor gold’s coppered grandeur…
With absolutely no delusions of what she will due.
The audacity!
Spilled heavy-laden liquid jasmine, this lagniappe Elle.
Imagine…
Walking accordingly with faith…
Things not yet beheld and proceeding with haste, not wavering.
Grasping her bounty.
Leap!
Big City Woman! Who are you?
Will you tarry awhile?
Or will you take leave quieter then you came?
“No my sister, I am here with you, for you and by you, for as long as you need me to.
I am you.
I will be called Passion…
My name is (fill in your name)
So much will come, while I am here.
I will tarry awhile to gather up the stars and sprinkle this confection generously to light up the way.
Until you are ready to take up this walk and talk your talk…
With silver streaked slippers illuminating a darkened sky.”
All rights reservedJHM 7-5-94©
Un Passion 1997©
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