I was actually writing a response to a question in one of my team member this morning which spurred me to expand a little of my thoughts to her question today.
After a second night of waking up at 3am unable to return back to sleep, I "listened" in my heart which is usually my freshest best thinking. My first conscious thoughts in the morning when I pay attention and not rush off to others jabbering tends to be the most accurate.
My 1st thoughts today was "I don't want this any more". Now those thoughts did not tell me exactly what "THIS" is or was, just I did not want "this" any longer.
If I know my heart well enough it will let me know in more clarity if I just be still & leave it alone so it (or me) can get to it.
I feel sadly about someone I thought I was getting to know a bit over the last 4-5 months ago said something a few days ago in a conversation we were having about their their view about who I am , what I am about & where they think I should be. I was a bit surprised how they came to their conclusions as the times we have been together have been limited, infrequent and even in that span he spent a great deal of time interrupting me, but yet he draped a conclusion that was really off base.
No I did not take his proclamations as being gospel truth (and for the record it was not all bad), in fact although skewed & racked with misinformation, I was pretty amazed that I sat & listened.
Ok,I confess, I was really curious what he thought...
As I reflect back on that conversation I came to my own conclusion that maybe I need to treat this person gently, but at a safer distance... His definition of me did not jibe with me. I think his motive while he felt he was being sincere & well intended had a lot less to do with me then things he are working on himself with a wee bit of male arrogance & presumption thrown in for a garnish.
Then this morning looking somewhere else this quote caught my eye:
“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.” ~ Wayne Dyer .
So his defining me really was more about how he defined himself. I won't go into his background but to say he was defining his own history while he was "thought" me.
I don't know if it ever goes away this modern trend of humans who make extremely fast judgements and actually going out to reshape other people with or without their consent.
I do know that negative views are not always a negative thing to wash away easily . How we use it may allow a different shape or texture to emerge or we may view it with different lens which may by doing that turns a negative into a positive(?) if we want that?
My self image isn't usually a negative one but then how do you know if something is positive if there isn't something negative to contradict it?
What I do know that right now in this tumultuous time, many a day I am tired, very tired and need a serious break from all the stuff that my current circumstances which is way too much like a popular series which keeps having spin offs with knowing the next spin off is getting worse, so it is time to close out the brand.
I do not want to hear by pundits, self-appointed cultural shapers, low mouth selfish blow-hards who in a more sane time be dismissed as so much wind warming the air tell me, you or who how it is to be done if you only _________" while you are drowning and they hand you a glass of tepid water while you're crashing around in high waves.
Ok ok I am not spinning wheels here, but I just don't see life as always being sunshine, lollipops and rainbows every second,. You cannot have rainbows w/o rain. And night has to fall for the sunshine to appear. And you WILL encounter jerks, naysayers, twisted people, lonely souls and lets face it mighty cruel,selfish people who sole job it appears is to remind you NOT to be like that.
Other days I am not that noble or magnanimous or brave enough to face gale force winds with my eyes focused on the prize...As that old country western song would say "it only happens in the movies..(or TV, DVDs or the Internet).
I'm not sure yet where I will go with that. Or with this.
What I know rings true for me is when when my synapses are firing up and I am during these middle of the night wake up, I have to do one thing well.
Be Still ...
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