Remember, once you're a pickle, you can never be a cucumber again."~Unknown
Last night as I was wrapped up in blankets trying to stay warm, I got to thinking about what I am going to do here very soon. I do not and will not have a "bucket list" as I think that phrase like so many others gets tiresome & cliche' very easily and can be trite.
I am not interested in what I want to do before I die type list. I do like know what new experiences I can have while I live. One thing I had done in classic procrastination is never finished my book. Now I did not say write it as I've been written enough for more then one, I just never bother to fine tune or attempt to get it published.
There are other things that I let "Buts" get in the way of some in my control and others far beyond my control. As with the manuscript, out of my control was having my entire manuscript wiped out of my hard drive by a well intentioned friend & right now I cannot afford to get it in to someone with more skills then I to see if any or all is retrievable.
What is in my control is not to belabor the fact, but get to writing again. Yes this could be even better then before, but I won't know until I do it. What was in my control is things I did not know I would want to write about & did not in the last manuscript, but now I want to. I think the avoidance for me was having to see something in its entirety and giving it a voice and I was as ready then as I am now to put it down.
Because putting it down means I have to also really put it down.
As with many writers far more prolific then moi, if I am reading correctly, writing can be a carthisis, a release & one may have to be prepared to "go there".
I've been told for years, "So when will you/I write that book, so when will you/I publish",etc".
Well while laying there, the words kept popping in my head the 1st chapter.. So today I started a new chapter and plan to write just a little bit everyday. I also plan to submit by June 2011, a synopsis of the book to a publishing company that last summer I failed to submit as planned. The time apparently was not right, I was too close to surgery to do it so the lie I told myself.
Well now that excuse is gone...
Then, the 1st thing I hear this morning turning on the news was the death at age 54 of the singer Teena Marie, a prolific songwriter,singer & musician. Far too young and was really I think coming into her own in a second stage, from natural causes. I've never met her, have seen her in concert and saw she had a talent to reckon with. My heart is sad for her family.
But I found myself tearing up just so much.
No I did not have any kind of an ephiphany nor the over use euphenisms people like to use when a celebrity or performer dies on how life is short etc. I felt sad for her shortened life when there was more , it was apparent, she was on her way to do. And I felt sadden for her family.
My tears were for another reason and I think hearing of her death was a jump off point.
We cannot go back to something or stay with something once we have changed as in the afore-mentioned quote:"Remember, once you're a pickle, you can never be a cucumber again."
So now what to do?
I just did it...
I put it down...
R.I.P Lady T... She was the business