Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Can you Hear Me?

Wisdom has two parts:

1)-Having a lot to say.

2)-Not saying it.~Billboard in Vermont

The Wisdom of Listening

"One common trait to nearly every good leader is the art of listening. Many times, the best leaders can be among the quietest in the room. They know their time is well spent in hearing new perspectives, ideas, and thoughts. It's how they grow personally and build visions. The wisest leaders know that hearing themselves talk is no way to build trust and goodwill. You can do the same thing. When a friend needs to talk, resist the urge to give advice right away and just listen. Ask questions, and really try to understand the answer. When a customer calls, don't say a word about your product until you fully know their needs. When your spouse is hurting, it's not the time to prove that you were right. Over time, you can develop that leader-like sense of when to open your mouth and when to keep it clamped firmly shut".
Sometimes people are not looking for you to "fix" them or what they are experiencing, but simply to be heard. Today people really do not have the inclination, time or desire to really listen & hear people when they need to speak or be heard"...
We are such a microwaved culture that we fast forward to a conclusion and a "solution" before we even know ( or care) what we are fixing. Too often the end results is unnecessary cruelty or hurtful, impatient dimishing of a real suffering ergo far too many "let it go", "move ons" "or stop whinig" often accompanied by an impatient tone of voice or even worse tuning a person out. Then we are then surprised when we hear about a tragic suicide or someone acting out either causing harm to themselvers or God forbid to another.
Then comes the "if I had known", "maybe I should have paid more attention", etc or any other guilt laden terms to justify why we did not hear them from the beginning,which still takes attention away from the person's suffering. We should be more mindful of writing a script on someone elses' issues....
When was the last time you really paid attention to someone even when you think you've heard it all, or (from them) the same ole song? Or at least stop clicking on the keyboard for a moment to pay attention?
For the record I do not know how people think it is not being heard by phone or the occassional "uh-huh" mummuring.
People can hear you just so you know...
One that you maybe the person who needs to be heard or who then will be there for you?
Here is a great site http://www.rc.org/ with groups all over the world that can aid people if nothing else to become good listeners.
From their page:
About Re-evaluation Counseling
Re-evaluation Counseling is a process whereby people of all ages and of all backgrounds can learn how to exchange effective help with each other in order to free themselves from the effects of past distress experiences.

Re-evaluation Counseling theory provides a model of what a human being can be like in the area of his/her interaction with other human beings and his/her environment. The theory assumes that everyone is born with tremendous intellectual potential, natural zest, and lovingness, but that these qualities have become blocked and obscured in adults as the result of accumulated distress experiences (fear, hurt, loss, pain, anger, embarrassment, etc.) which begin early in our lives.

Any young person would recover from such distress spontaneously by use of the natural process of emotional discharge (crying, trembling, raging, laughing, etc.). However, this natural process is usually interfered with by well-meaning people ("Don't cry," "Be a big boy," etc.) who erroneously equate the emotional discharge (the healing of the hurt) with the hurt itself.

When adequate emotional discharge can take place, the person is freed from the rigid pattern of behavior and feeling left by the hurt. The basic loving, cooperative, intelligent, and zestful nature is then free to operate. Such a person will tend to be more effective in looking out for his or her own interests and the interests of others, and will be more capable of acting successfully against injustice.

In recovering and using the natural discharge process, two people take turns counseling and being counseled. The one acting as the counselor listens, draws the other out and permits, encourages, and assists emotional discharge. The one acting as client talks and discharges and re-evaluates. With experience and increased confidence and trust in each other, the process works better and better.

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