Be a Character!

Suffering is the tuition one pays for a character degree.

- Richard M. Rayner, M.D.


What you Learn from Suffering
"Perhaps you think this isn't very positive' sounding, but I find it helps people (patients and friends) put hardship, which is inevitable, to good use," says Richard. "People can use their suffering either to gain character or become bitter. The ones who choose bitterness live a long, slow death. The ones who choose character truly live." Richard is right on the money. Happiness and sadness don't happen to us--they come from within. The story of your life will be written with or without your help. The next chapter is happening while you read this. Will you wait to see what it says later, or will you help write it?

Confidently Yours...

Fortune favors the bold.~ Juvenal

Confidently seeking what you want most

Do you constantly feel overlooked for promotions or think that good fortune never seems to come your way? They say good things happen to good people, but have you considered that maybe good things happen to those who actively work for them? Life is not a series of random coincidences. Your lot in life is determined directly by the amount of effort you are willing to put towards the goals you want to achieve. If you want that raise, work hard and then approach your boss confidently. Many times a healthy level of assertiveness can go a long way in showing people what you're made of. Don't be afraid to let your inner hero outshine your more logical and reserved self. The return could be huge!

What a Feeling...

"I Have Lonved So Long" art All rights reservedJHM10

What reason weaves, by passion is undone.~- Alexander Pope

Do you follow what your heart craves?

As odd as it sounds, sometimes our logical minds can hold us back. Have you ever wanted to attempt a new career, run a marathon, or start your own business? Our brains might scream at us that it is safer to do what has been tried and true in the past, but don't let the fear of the unknown stop you! We all spend a lot of time worrying and little time examining the calling of our own hearts. What are you passionate about? Is there a way that you can honor these feelings in a responsible way? Trying new things can be terrifying, but following our passions can make us feel alive and become some of our most memorable moments in life. The thrill of love, the depths of grief, and the joys of a new career...all would be impossible without passion.

Surroundings...

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great ones make you feel that you, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain, writer and satirist

Surrounding Yourself with the Right People

It's easy to recognize a perfect candidate for your support team. Just look for someone who has a way of making everyone else around them better: someone who succeeds by developing other people and letting them in on the fun; someone who is genuinely happy when other people succeed. That's the person you want on your side. The pages of history are heavy with tales of the misguided who were proven wrong while insisting something couldn't be done. Why put up with that? Believe in your goals enough to know that you shouldn't stomach people who don't. It's okay if you're the only one who believes in your dream. But someone who truly believes in YOU should help you believe that if anyone can do it, you can.

Can you Hear Me?

Wisdom has two parts:

1)-Having a lot to say.

2)-Not saying it.~Billboard in Vermont

The Wisdom of Listening

"One common trait to nearly every good leader is the art of listening. Many times, the best leaders can be among the quietest in the room. They know their time is well spent in hearing new perspectives, ideas, and thoughts. It's how they grow personally and build visions. The wisest leaders know that hearing themselves talk is no way to build trust and goodwill. You can do the same thing. When a friend needs to talk, resist the urge to give advice right away and just listen. Ask questions, and really try to understand the answer. When a customer calls, don't say a word about your product until you fully know their needs. When your spouse is hurting, it's not the time to prove that you were right. Over time, you can develop that leader-like sense of when to open your mouth and when to keep it clamped firmly shut".

Moon-ism:

Sometimes people are not looking for you to "fix" them or what they are experiencing, but simply to be heard. Today people really do not have the inclination, time or desire to really listen & hear people when they need to speak or be heard"...

We are such a microwaved culture that we fast forward to a conclusion and a "solution" before we even know ( or care) what we are fixing. Too often the end results is unnecessary cruelty or hurtful, impatient dimishing of a real suffering ergo far too many "let it go", "move ons" "or stop whinig" often accompanied by an impatient tone of voice or even worse tuning a person out. Then we are then surprised when we hear about a tragic suicide or someone acting out either causing harm to themselvers or God forbid to another.

Then comes the "if I had known", "maybe I should have paid more attention", etc or any other guilt laden terms to justify why we did not hear them from the beginning,which still takes attention away from the person's suffering. We should be more mindful of writing a script on someone elses' issues....

When was the last time you really paid attention to someone even when you think you've heard it all, or (from them) the same ole song? Or at least stop clicking on the keyboard for a moment to pay attention?

For the record I do not know how people think it is not being heard by phone or the occassional "uh-huh" mummuring.

People can hear you just so you know...

One that you maybe the person who needs to be heard or who then will be there for you?

Here is a great site http://www.rc.org/ with groups all over the world that can aid people if nothing else to become good listeners.

From their page:

About Re-evaluation Counseling
Re-evaluation Counseling is a process whereby people of all ages and of all backgrounds can learn how to exchange effective help with each other in order to free themselves from the effects of past distress experiences.

Re-evaluation Counseling theory provides a model of what a human being can be like in the area of his/her interaction with other human beings and his/her environment. The theory assumes that everyone is born with tremendous intellectual potential, natural zest, and lovingness, but that these qualities have become blocked and obscured in adults as the result of accumulated distress experiences (fear, hurt, loss, pain, anger, embarrassment, etc.) which begin early in our lives.

Any young person would recover from such distress spontaneously by use of the natural process of emotional discharge (crying, trembling, raging, laughing, etc.). However, this natural process is usually interfered with by well-meaning people ("Don't cry," "Be a big boy," etc.) who erroneously equate the emotional discharge (the healing of the hurt) with the hurt itself.

When adequate emotional discharge can take place, the person is freed from the rigid pattern of behavior and feeling left by the hurt. The basic loving, cooperative, intelligent, and zestful nature is then free to operate. Such a person will tend to be more effective in looking out for his or her own interests and the interests of others, and will be more capable of acting successfully against injustice.

In recovering and using the natural discharge process, two people take turns counseling and being counseled. The one acting as the counselor listens, draws the other out and permits, encourages, and assists emotional discharge. The one acting as client talks and discharges and re-evaluates. With experience and increased confidence and trust in each other, the process works better and better.

Don't Walk Away Rene'...RIP

I am sadden today with the sudden death of a friend of 20 years Rene' Fagans on Wed May 26th, 2010 at 6:00p PST in San Diego. They remove the life support yesterday evening. She was healthy as a horse on Sunday fell broke her ankle on Monday, was on life support by Tues and dead by Wed eve.

We were suppose to get together for lunch before my return from Cali. Rene' was in the middle of writing a children's book & was having a blast. Drs. said with or without life support she would have been in a vegetative state. Her Drs had changed her meds, she was experiencing dizzy spells on Monday, fell hitting her head rather hard, taken to ER, treated for the broken ankle & sent home... By Monday eve she was complaining of being cold, Tues morning her son could not understand a word she was saying. She had a massive hemorrhaging so badly her brain stem was badly damaged.

Rene's family was all with her when they removed life support...

She was a joy, never had a bad word for anyone, funny as all get out & loved life. We recently had spoken about her coming to New Orleans as she had not had the experience....

She is already missed...

One thing I am going to do in her memory is when the dust settles is to have her son to send me a copy of her unfinished children's book & finish it for her with the view to finish her dream of having it published. I was already going to create the art for its cover.

Rene' was such a joyful person & I could at least keep her joy going in this book...

And then I read this & thought it was appropo:

Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day.
- Sally Koch

You can impact more people than you'll ever know

Too many people sit on the sidelines of life waiting for that one great opportunity or the chance of a lifetime. We seldom realize that while we are waiting, we are missing the small opportunities to make a difference that surround us in our everyday lives. For example, you could pick up the litter on a street that you travel often, help someone carry her groceries to her car, or offer to help a child read a book. Of course, this list could go on and on. Your small action could make all the difference in the world to someone and you may never know it. Don't sit around and wait for the BIG CHANCE because you never know...one of those small opportunities might turn into the next chance of a lifetime.

My reminder: G'wan be a Nut!

The mighty oak was once a little nut that stood its ground.- Unknown

Believing in yourself no matter what

On July 24, 2004, there was a 0% chance of rain in Cincinnati. No way was it going to rain, according to the people who should know best. You know what? Despite millions of dollars worth of sensors, computers, and forecasting systems, the weather experts were wrong. It rained, against all odds. This is not a criticism of weather people. It's just a reminder of all the people who were given 0% chance of making it by the "experts," but who succeeded anyway. Whenever accomplishments are on the line, there are always voices whispering, preaching--even shouting--that it can't be done. Sometimes, that voice is coming from inside our own heads. If you're having doubts about your abilities, just remember: How many times have the naysayers been proven wrong? No matter what anyone says--no matter what you might believe--it can be done. The nut can become a tree. There's always a chance of rain.

On the Street

Stop living life for what's around the corner and start enjoying the walk down the street.
- Grant L. Miller, motivational guru

Enjoying the road to accomplishment
www.sparkspeople.com


It's possible to be a little too focused. With blinders on, it becomes easy to completely live in our vision of where we will be in the future, while ignoring the improvements that we have made in the present. The road to a healthy lifestyle is a long trip. While it's very important to realize what we are shooting for, we also need to make sure that we keep our heads in the present to enjoy the progress we've made. If your goal is to lose weight, instead of waiting to celebrate until you lose it all, enjoy today's small victories and take advantage of your improved health now. This approach serves as motivation for any aspiration in life. Set ambitious goals and enjoy the road to accomplishing those goals, because life might pass you by if you are always planning for tomorrow without ever seeing today.

I Swear, I do Declare!

To swear off mistakes is very easy. All you have to do is swear off having ideas.
- Leo Burnett, advertising pioneer

Are you afraid to try or are you afraid to fail?

A well-lived life is not for the timid. The world was never meant to be approached with extra caution and fear of making mistakes. Kids know that you have to jump in feet first and be willing to take some lumps on the head if you're going to have any fun. When did we stop trying new things? Why did we stop taking risks? In large part, we're afraid of messing up. We've settled into our comfort zones and don't want to look like a fool to ourselves or others. What's the price we pay for our pursuit of perfection? No growth, no sense of discovery, few real experiences. The sacrifice isn't worth it. Are there points in your life that you wish you could have back because you didn't pursue an idea or a new interest? Those chances are gone forever--but you'll have more in the future to take full advantage of. It's been said that most people don't learn much that's new past their 20s. That's an awful long time to stay stagnant. The only mistake you should be afraid to make is not trying.

I Believe...well most of the time....

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
- John Wooden, Hall of Fame college basketball coach

Believing In Yourself

Limitations can either define us or give us a challenge to outwit. When you look at your abilities, do you see boundaries and limits, or do you see possibilities and potential? Obsessing about weaknesses can blind us to the untapped abilities we already have. You have talent. Everyone does. The secret to success is to find that talent, develop it and push it as far as you can. Grandma Moses might have been a lousy bowler, Einstein probably couldn't sing a lick, Michelangelo could've been unable to speak well in public. So what? They knew what they were good at and rode that pony. Your talent might be right in front of you: where do you get the most compliments? What seems to come easily to you? What do people ask your advice for? Live there. Don't let the rest get in the way.

It Dawned on me to share these words~Not of my Own

"Break" Photography by JHM ©09

Something we were withholding made us weak, until we found it was ourselves.

- Robert Frost



Who is standing in your way?

Imagine someone regularly tying small weights around your ankles as you try to climb a mountain. Doesn't sound fair, does it? But that's exactly what you can do to yourself, a little bit at a time, if you don't watch out. When you think of who and what is standing in the way of your dreams, it's easy to forget your own responsibility. Even the best of us can be guilty of unknowingly hurting our own progress. Procrastination, lateness, being disorganized, pessimism, not being honest with yourself, severe self-criticism, downplaying achievements, focusing only on weaknesses while ignoring strengths, keeping goals a secret, demanding perfection, giving up after a small setback--these are all ways you can make it tough to be (and do) your best. Smart systems, the right attitude, and a promise to keep going no matter what will make a world of difference.

Out of want~ Its the littlle things that can make a difference!

I wish I could have thought of this. Not my words,but they sure was reading my mind!


For want of a nail, the shoe was lost. For want of the shoe, the horse was lost. For want of the horse, the rider was lost. For want of the rider, the battle was lost. For want of the battle, the kingdom was lost. And all for the want of a horseshoe nail!

~ Old English rhyme



Your smallest actions add up to something big

Everything you do makes a difference. Even if you're not on the front lines leading the effort, you have a contribution to make. Without your contribution, no matter how small, so many other things would never happen. The world needs what you have to offer. You have no idea how the simplest of your everyday actions can effect your child, and even people you've never met. Chances are, you'll never know. But if you're looking for a purpose to work toward, all you need is the desire and the right perspective. Define yourself as your task, and that's all you'll ever be. Define yourself as your contribution to your family, and suddenly you're a very important part of a bigger picture. The biggest pictures are the ones where there's room for everyone to be seen.
www.sparkspeople.com

Do You Show Up?~ Sparks People

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

- Sam Ewing, humorist



A meaningful life requires hard work

Part of being a good leader and good example is holding people accountable to their promises. To reach your goals, you need to be a strong leader of yourself. That means making sure you live up to the promises you made to yourself and to others. Your goals are important to you. They'll also require some work. If you could put one person in charge of your most personal, most precious goals, would you hire someone who looks for the easy way out or just talks a good game? Or would you entrust them to the person who willingly takes action and does whatever is needed to make it happen? You can handle the job. Prove yourself trustworthy by showing up every day with your sleeves rolled up.

Is someone trying to tell me something?

Look at a man in the midst of doubt and danger and you will learn in his hour of adversity what he really is.

- Lucretius, Roman philosopher



Do you really know what you're made of?

It's easy to stay true to our values when life is sunny. But because sometimes hope disappears, options run out, and bright days can turn dark, all you can really count on to be there is your own inner strength. These low points are chances to learn what you're capable of when you refuse to be knocked down for good. You may not be able to choose your hardships or options. But you do have the power to face what you're given with high character. Trust yourself and your instincts, and your best will come forward. Think about the last time you had the choice to fold under pressure or to rise to the occasion. How might you have handled it a little differently? If there's room for improvement, what actions would have made you more proud of yourself?

Starts, End Begins with You

The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm.

- Swedish proverb



Taking Responsibility for Your Success
We all need support from other people. Love, encouragement, words of advice and friendship will help you get through the important stages in your life. When people are in your corner, you feel like taking on any challenge. As important as help from others may be, though, it all has to start with you. If you're waiting for someone to solve your problems, or wondering when someone is "going to do something about that," you may be waiting a long time--unless you look to yourself first. Take responsibility for your own situation and think of what concrete steps you'll take today to help it. If you're going to need help, it's only fair that the person with the most at stake (you) is willing to make the most effort. When someone is pulling you out of a hole and has grasped your hand, you still must take the first step to climb out, or you're just going to be hanging there.

At Once

"We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once.

- Calvin Coolidge, American president



Tackling big challenges with small actions

This is a perfect illustration of tackling big challenges with small actions. It also shows the power of focus. There's a growing tendency for people to want to have it all. Not wanting to sacrifice anything, they run themselves straight into the ground--sometimes literally--only to end up frustrated, unhealthy, and tired, with nothing to show for it. What they don't realize is that you can have it all (or close to it). You just can't have it all right now. Does it feel like you're always busy, but you never seem to get anywhere? That's because when you try to do everything, you don't do anything well. Your child may force you to learn this lesson anyway. Instead of living your life all at once, try doing one thing at a time. Choose one goal and, through some small "things" every day, focus in on it until you've succeeded. During the day, put your full mind and efforts on one task at a time. You'll be much more productive (and calm) in the long run. "We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once.

- Calvin Coolidge, American president

Your Best Shot is yours to Do

There are only two options regarding commitment. You're either IN or you're OUT. There's no such thing as life in-between.
~ Pat Riley, basketball coach

Are You Giving Your Goals Your Best Effort?

Your dreams deserve better than a half-hearted effort. Meet your goals with a weak handshake and they'll soon be waving you goodbye. Since you probably don't want to look back on a life full of "almost made it" memories, it's time for total commitment. Leave it all on the field, don't hold anything back. Is there anything more satisfying than pouring out your entire being, straddling the cliff, reaching your total limit, then looking up and realizing that oh-my-gosh-I-can't-believe-I-really-did-it? And is there anything more tragic than failing and realizing you could have done more? If you feel "tuned out" of your current life, that's okay. Make your first goal to build a life that you can get "in"-to. Then don't look back. Make every day count and live purposefully, live energetically, live completely.

Un Pensee Ecrite~ a written thought

Suffering is the tuition one pays for a character degree.
- Richard M. Rayner, M.D.

What you really learn from hardships

"Perhaps you think this isn't very ‘positive' sounding, but I find it helps people (patients and friends) put hardship, which is inevitable, to good use," says Richard. "People can use their suffering either to gain character or become bitter. The ones who choose bitterness live a long, slow death. The ones who choose character truly live." Richard is right on the money. Happiness and sadness don't happen to us--they come from within. The story of your life will be written with or without your help. The next chapter is happening while you read this. Will you wait to see what it says later, or will you help write it?

Its the Little Things...

When eating a fruit, think of the person who planted the tree.
- Vietnamese saying

Expressing everyday gratitude

How often do you remember the people that have made little things possible for you? It's easy to take our privileges for granted. Today, be more aware of your surroundings--everything from your shirt, house, food, and car--and who has made them possible for you. Who has made it possible for you to experience such wonderful things? One way to let someone know that you truly appreciate their efforts is to send them a quick note or return the kindness in your own way.

Think twice, speak once

If you think twice before speaking once, you will speak twice the better for it.
- William Penn

Think twice, speak once


The idea of choosing your words carefully sounds easy enough, but how many times do you end up with your foot in your mouth? Everyone can probably recall a situation where someone offended them by saying something rude or out of line.

These comments are not only embarrassing, but they can also damage relationships. Even the way you talk to yourself can be hurtful. Instead of saying "I can't," replace it with "I wish." Swap "I'm a failure" with "I didn't succeed this time." If you say the wrong thing in front of others, chances are that people will remember it. Wouldn't you prefer to be remembered for something more positive? Once you have said something out loud it cannot be taken back, and rarely can it be undone even with a tremendous amount of work.