Saturday, June 13, 2009

A Ya Ya day~What an Amazing Awakening it 'tis!

You cannot speak that which you do not know. You cannot share that which you do not feel. You cannot translate that which you do not have. And you cannot give that which you do not possess. To give it and to share it, and for it to be effective you first need to have it. Good communication starts with good preparation.~ George C. Fraser

Yesterday I had a d'light*full day.

I actually spoke very eloquently, passionately and sincerely taking my authority in a matter that had to be cared for with a couple of people that had been long overdue in adjusting. It had been decades in the making. It was not something necessary for a Made for Tv Movie, but it was so forever more there is no doubt or question in my humanity, my belief and dreams. I will not go into what it was all about as I have no desire to embarrass or publicly need to do so. And in all fairness how would they have known if I had not said anything, choosing instead to swallowed again and again and again which in the finally anaylsis was me living a lie that had been proposed as truth then morphing into an unconsicous belief. A lie was told but I very passively, unconsciously opted to live, instead of throwing it off as the debris that it was.

This moment was not planned, it was simply that time had come. My focus that day was completely opposite from what did indeed happend.

Without drama or fanfare, I stated my case. Respectfully, truthfully & passionately. They listen.

I do not know if they heard.

And it does not matter since it was not a Movie made for Tv.

We will just say it was one of those "Ya Ya Sisterhood/ Towanda/I'm every woman" like moments that I can realistic enough to know may happen again with someone as life ain't over by a long shot. I so know my weight challenges had been in part because of anger & rage that had been swallowed again and again until it spilled over onto my bones. It took me years to acknowledge to myself in a very cellular way without excuses or justification of how angry I was and how much I had swallowed.

Make no mistake I am a pretty happy person and despite a lot of things. I had managed to have a pretty good life, but always in the corner of my mind was this anger...

And now there is no more room.

Here,I have to use a friend, a Ya Ya warrior woman in her own right words eloquently described of how it felt after her liberation day:

"I think a lot of us know subconsciously that it is a lie we are living but we are afraid of letting go and making space for whatever may come in its place.

WE almost dread change and when the universe finally sees that we are not going to let go it steps in and hits us with a whammy and we have no choices we kind of stop holding our breath and breathe out all that knotted, tied up poisonous anger inside that we have tried to bury with food or cigarettes or things or money.


Colours take on a new brightness and things which were dark become clear and you find you actually can fly and are strong enough to handle anything. Fear is the bondage we place on ourselves. Faith and change are radical concepts but of the freedom and the colour and the love one finds when you let go and put down what you have been carrying. It pours out of everything and the fear just evaporates.

The corporeal part of you remains the way it is unless you wish to work on it but the spirit is free and so much more discerning and there is so much free beauty around us to fill in the dark spaces; I visualise a stained glass window with the sun streaming through the colours and falling on flagstones and irradiating them as well. There will be spaces remaining which are not filled but they enhance what the now holds. through their very contrast. Sometimes there are truths you have known and colours within which you have covered which only a loving Heavenly Creator can see and must do something about and the means may initially not be pleasant but oh the end!

The end is a Stained glass Rose window of multiple hue shedding light on all who pass beneath it. The end is a rainbow with a pot of molten rich gold velvet so soft and warm and all enfolding for you to put on and warm yourself in. It is diaphanous so that others may bask in it's light and form. It is freedom, true freedom that you may love yourself as a self in the now. I hope you understand the glorious feeling that I am trying to convey with these images. These are divinity. Each one of us can discover this. I wonder how many people do".

I could not have said it anybetter...

I had such a liberating Ya Ya day yesterday. I knew this time was coming as I've worked long and hard, sometimes veering off the trail to look at something, lollygagging, being distracted but then finding my way back to the happy trails. My now emptied room took a lot of time a lot more and far longer then I would have cared for and probably wore some people out in the process as I kept looking through boxes of stuff that was so dusty and faded it made me wonder why in the Sam Hill did I keep them around?

But rather then waste one more precious moment on wondering they were tossed away. Not tossed aside so they could be put back but tossed out!

And how gloriously, juicily, decisively liberated I felt.

Later in the day in my mailbox was to small packages that made me grin. One was one of my rewards for reaching a milestone, a big one for me. I had seen a vintage pair of checkered Mod sunglasses circa 1964 & treated myself to them. And are they not only fabu, looking great on me to boot! I was delighted and was showing them to several friends who really like them.

However, there was one person present, one which I've had to back off a few paces prior saw them and gave a lukewarm "oh they are so you" which wasn't very sincere, more of those "well I do not care for them how dare you wear them and they are not appropriate for a woman of your age , but if it makes you happy okaaaay" tone of voice to show her disapproval.

I let her tone and words roll right off my back as I neither needed or asked her permission to have them. She's done it before over a period of time. I have no seen her as being against me, just not necessarily for me. When she has been far meit was always on the terms she decided for me.

It did not rock my joy I got iv where she is coming from.

I've dealt with some people unfortunately most of my life who have attitudes like that and have allotted them to lessen my joy. But not after having a Ya Ya day like yesterday!

Golden hugs and sunshine from this one Sassy Lassy who has repacked her Sass & carrying it with her!

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