Turn the Beat Around

It was an interesting morning following a most interesting weekend.

Miranda Wu,photographer, Hong Kong



For a moment it threatened to become a foul day behind one small sentence a nasty little comment from someone whom I've never met, will probably never meet about something they were misinformed about.






Actually there were two but the 1st one wasn't directed at me but to someone who had been widowed recently on top of a tumultuous year filled with illness, unexpected deaths from 2 close family members one being her husband, a serous car accident, loss of income & loss of her home.






The ne'er-de-wells attentions were not pure morals of the highest order. They were just being nosey and wanted to see how far she had "fallen" so they could in a pitiful way feel better. It didn't serve a purpose, their actions, for them other then a momentary feeling of smugness that was fleeting & not substantial as they have to do this often to feed the beast, the one of their own inadequacy.






They keep feeding the beast who is now grotesquely obese but malnourished so nothing ever comes out of this.






Then within an hour I had received an "accidental"email where the person was making a snide comment about me to someone else & then sent it to me apparently in a BCC,I could not tell you it was accidental or purposeful as it does not change the content.






First thing is, folks who do things like this, if you're going to do something like that, be sure to check before you hit enter otherwise it could backfire on you.






What purpose was it to serve? How does it enhance you? Was a good purpose served?






In rapid succession I was puzzled, hurt, then angry and was building up a head of steam until that lightening bolt moment when I thought: Turn the Beat Around!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuHepuVSheA


I responded back to said person acknowledging that perhaps the email was sent in error and as a professional i could not imagine anyone deliberately sending such a thing but agreed with them that in part some of what they said was true: it was indeed "too bad" but it was too bad for them not for me.

I have no desire & wouldn't do business it anyone who could be that shabby & tacky nor was I in the business to beg them to do me a a favor. In fact, I thought utilizing me would have been a good thing, not a bad one. If the BCC was sent to me in "error" which I construe as an accident on purpose, the contents remained the same.

I could have wasted far more valuable time & energy on someone anyone would did not deem me worthy enough trying to explain away why they were wrong or I could turn the beat around that just because they felt that way it had any merit of truth to it.


Not everything or everybody will jibe.  The world does not ordain that. 
The world today, however,  seems to thrive on if you let it infect you, of becoming increasingly mean spirited, heartless, deriving pleasure from what appears to be another's way that may be different from theirs.

 Once upon a time popular consensus would be that such behavior is morally wrong.  Now you get a book deal, a TV show or an unearned "status" raking in tens of thousands of dollars from what is by any standard cruel or selfish behavior.

And we're told to suck it up... to enjoy, emulate and adding insult to injury pay for it!

 In my case, though, this had nothing to do with me suffering this was about a mutually beneficial event for the parties involved. And someone decided to be mean and not even adult enough to talk to you but as cowards can do, go around it but doing it anyway.


In the scheme of things this is a minor thing & will long be forgotten.  It is just for today it mattered but more from the standpoint of learning to turn something around.  Someones opinion is not necessarily an indictment, simply their opinion and the sun did not let up for one more of its brightness because of it.


Artists go through this all the time, it comes unfortunately with the territory. I've said this many times if YOU do not see your work or you as the best thing since the invention of Kool-aid, why or how would you expect anyone to believe in your worth or in what you present.






There will always be someone around who wants to ride on the beat-down train, but you do not have to be a paid passenger!






It was good for me how rapidly I went from being hurt to oh well it is your loss. To date the person neither has responded by email or phone and doubt seriously if I will be as the song goes "You lose a good thing"...©11


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x4AZHDT-4A

Miranda Wu, watercolorist, Hong Kong

Red Lipstick: Given Homage to how life can work sometimes...

Red Lipstick: Given Homage to how life can work sometimes...





"Let your past make you better, Not bitter"~ Unknown

Jonathon Green,artist



Today would have been my 1st born son Donovan Perri's 40th BD had he lived. He died @ 2 1/2mos from what we now know as SIDS.






Tomorrow would have been my third born son Joshua Marion-Roi's 35th BD had he lived. He drowned tragically in my landlord pool.






There is this thing called anniversary grief that those who have lost a love one can well attest to. Time does not heal wounds. What it can give you is time...






You change and you see things perhaps from a different perspective as you move through the tide of time. Everything must change... nothing stays the same including how or which way you grieve.

When I was a young mother at the time of both their deaths age 21 at the time of Donovan's death and 31 at the time of Joshua's I wasn't sure if I could ever breathe properly. In fact at age 21 that year was a fog once I was told about Donovan. I was alone. Even at his funeral it was only me, my 2 daughters, the baby sitter at his services. I went through motions and it took a year before I could breathe properly.




Donovan was what people would have called a "good" baby quiet & easy to care for. He was a beautiful baby and was very close in personality to his older sister Andrea.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iq0XJCJ1Srw




Then Joshua came into my heart.



I went into labor on would have been Donovan's 4th BD. I prayed that I would not give birth on that day naively, feverishly thinking somehow that would have meant I could keep him.




Well it didn't although I "kept" him in essence for 7 years. Joshua was indeed born on a Sunday Morn which in essence why this song by Angela Bofill entitled "Rainbow Child, (Little Pas) that she wrote ironically in 1979 2 years before Joshua's death when she experience the tragic death of her nephew.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LdQHCdH5VY

Almost a decade later, I choreographed a dance based on this song & danced  beautifully by my daughter Trishaa in homage to her brothers.

Somehow I made a pact with myself that their lives would not be in vain. It wasn't a conscious pact not much different then my praying that Joshua would not be born on Donovan's BD, but the pact was there. Through the subsequent years I held up that pact; other years failed miserably. But I kept on getting up.


So here I am 40 years later still vertical, still caring still falling and yet even moreso getting up. In a small sense of irony, the day before the anniversary of Joshua's drowning I have a exhibition opening reception on Nov 11th. Joshua's ashes were flown out to sea on Nov 22nd which with even more irony would have been my wedding anniversary if the marriage lasted. My former husband and I separated for the last time a few months after he died.

There was no resurrection, that ship had sailed.
But I was still here!

I'm still here.

It also was for those who would remember the date of the assassination of John F. Kennedy so it would be near impossible for me to "forget" as if I would really want that to be.

Since I had more time with Joshua I can tell you how apropos this song was. He more then Donovan was remarkably like me in personality. Joshua was like cayenne pepper, adventuresome, bold, curious, imaginative a heart as big as all outdoors.

He was bold, funny highly intelligent for someone so young. And I do not say that through the scrim of time and grief. He was a special kid well like & popular even when he would drive you crazy with his high energy living. And lived he did.


Loved Star Wars, water was strong like the fictional character from the Flintstones Bamm Bamm.

So ones would know this does not take away from my living children as tey have all grown into beautiful, responsible, capable caring human beings who in their own individual ways are making their mark on the world.  I simply wished that my sons also had the same opportunities.


This morning I got up not necessarily feeling down more of a there were a couple of matters that needed to be said to some people that I had not said a few months ago as I wisely thought to give it time and would come back to revisit.


I revisited...



It wasn't a telling you off kind of visitation, more of this is where things are at & I get why it happened but now I simply want an adjustment & we will be "adjusted".


I had adjusted so this was really the epilogue.




Life can work itself out if we allow it and get out of the way of ourselves given time. So I put on my red lipstick and got out of the way.




So today I pay homage to my sons & continue to function well as one can be with whatever life and living issues. I can be bold, fearless, adventuresome, funny and have a big heart as large as all outdoors. AND I can also be quiet, easy going and good as circumstances can allow. I continue to revisit my ownself, making adjustments corrections caring for things not cared for, hoping that ones will bear with me as this is indeed a work in progress.



Know full well again that everything must change.



And we can.

We do...
We must, whether we want it to or not...

Life will continue to work.

Jonathon Green, artist




"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could"...~- Ralph Waldo Emerson, writer




www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKIIYk8tdgE

Ok.. I Left It!

OK,I Left It!

By Jacquelyn Hughes Mooney ©11

"It is my experience that when people say "what you see is what you get", they actually mean "I am narrow minded, rigid, smart ass and not willing to compromise, neither will I learn anything, I am all knowing and wise and I know better on every subject - take it or leave it!"....okie dokie, I will leave it"!~Ria Grobler,artist-South Africa

 

It was one of those morning when I arose very early, not out of fits of sleep but because I got enough sleep, so the synapses are working... 

 

I figure I would get a jump start of several things that have to be completed by tomorrow some of which did not get accomplished yesterday due to other people not upholding their end of what they were suppose to do. 

I warn you, this is not a rant. This is about leaving. 

We have probably all have heard someone or even ourselves say something similar to "this is just how I am, take it or leave it"... Two things stand out ; the word "just" and "take it or leave it". The latter is said with some sense of pride or perhaps defiance as if they have now done something well. Has anyone ever thought that "just" may not be good enough? Not acceptable, minimize you? And the order to take or leave gives the invitee a choice, one that you may not like? 

As in OK, I'll leave it.  What or where you are (or I) is not acceptable for me.   I would prefer not to be bothered with it.  I no longer have any expectations you will do the right thing, but refuse  to condone what  is unacceptable.  If it's working for you & apparently it must as you keep on doing it, but do I? 

When it is we talking to me (my giving myself permission to minimize my awesomeness) it is a lazy co-op designed to allow me not to be awesome at least for today. Or even for a minute. It is usually F.E.A.R based (False Expectations Appearing Real). Can I do this? Can I change my health? Can I readjust my eating patterns? Can I dare to see myself as beloved & beautiful? Can I see other people as being humanely flawed as not having all the answers? That their thoughts are their own & does not necessarily reflect MY experiences or relevance? Can I disregard other people's opinion of me? Does their approval really matter as much as I have made it? 

Can I be my best ally? 

Can I? 

Can I? 

Can I? 

Yes we can... It takes W.I.S.D.O.M (When I Seriously Decide On More). I cannot take credit for this, this nugget came from my son who decided (ah maturity is a wonderful thing) who decided he wanted more. 

More not necessarily in a monetary way, but want more for his life, not from shrinkage from shirking what he knew he must do and working to that end. 

In a number of discussion with a many a passionate people, I've come to notice (mind you this my experience) that some people are or can be  bound & intent to make ensure that his view was it... the ultimate, case closed. Take it or leave it. Some of that comes from indeed passion, a singular vision, the belief that what they say is it, take or leave it... I appreciate seeing ones active in working toward an end that their vision until they become so adament that unless you submit to ti you will be slammed .  Take it or leave it can be a wonderful suggestion to take under advisement...

So, I took it...

Then I left it... 

I cite this example to say that while weighing all the "facts", passions & climate in which people become so narrow minded I/you/ we may decide that it  not worthwhile, in fact counter-productive to continue any discussion or action we may take, then we or others may flex their collective muscle & take another action. Too often women are expected to conform  too many times never daring to question, look at differently, do ably which was bad enough but  we also have to be awe struck at the "they" wisdom. 

Whomever the "they" may be...

I speak to as a woman.  I do not have the feelings or thoughts of a man, so it would be presumptuous  of me to speak to that, so I will help to save you the leap of judgement (unless you've already done it) to think I am being combative or speaking about men...

I am not.

I wasn't... 

 

But it did indeed make me think about how the "take it or leave it" mindset can adversely affect people from being their full awesomeness. If you read  any  on  others successes , the ones who have attained their goals or close to attainment, do not have the "take it or leave it" approach. There is enough flexibility & resiliency with a dash of humor as they look forward even when the misery of falling down happens. 

Others, their words show more rigidity,a learned helplessness, a variation & continuation of "that's just the way I am" then wondering why the results they are looking for does not happen. 

Well it won't. 

Please know I am not sitting on a throne, condemning anyone about whatever approach they take. I am writing from a purely observational standpoint.   In fact, I've done it myself. Yet , I do hold up a magnifying glass

to myself frequently applying to myself peering into whether or not I am applying W.I.S.D.O.M

 (When I Seriously Decide On More)...

. 

I have called myself into check with kindness for all my flawed awesomness. Some days are good, others even better, some days rotten, well maybe not rotten but not where I want it to be. 

(OK that are my flaws talking).   

Earlier in this blog I spoke of needing to get a jump start on some things I have to get done by tomorrow some of which needed to have been finished yesterday, but because of others not upholding their end of the bargain, so when it did not happen, I have to find another plan.  Part of the plan was I left it! 

I could have really grumble and rant but what good would that have done other then raised my blood pressure which would not  be good. These ones had a take it or leave it posture & one is suppose to be alright with it. 

Well I'm not.   I will leave it,  care of it myself. It threw today off for me but it is necessary that I care for it. So my sense is doing what they failed to do, I discovered a side benefit burnt extra calories, gaining a little more strength, getting it done, self-gratification in  the results.  Seeing it this way will keep me from grumbling wasting precious energy on rigidity.   I leave it as I will know never to have any expectations from them to do what was right.  They indeed said "take it or leave it", so it is prudent , necessary for me  give the"take it or leave it" folks plenty of room,  not be part of my package, my team of allies. 

Houston, I left the building... 

There will not be an army of farm animals coming to dine at the table after the little red hen did the work. They will not get to savor the fruits of my baking the bread. They will have to go find another table. 

I have P.E.A.C.E ( Positive Energy Activating Constant Elevation). 

So I took it & left... 

All Rights ReservedJHM©11 

Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it. ~Author Unknown

:

Move Along...Please!

 

Miranda Wu,photographer 

I so dislike the term "move on". It needs an early retirement.  I am only saying out loud what some others are thinking, but won't say anything because they have er, ah, ahem "moved on? 

Moving on is a myth; unalterable things do indeed change us; we find ways to work with it around it or through it. We function more or less as well as we can with the things that are thrown at us. 

We may regroup, we may restructure, we may even generate a new life! But I so get weary of hearing the phrase move on with usually is preceded with "get over". It is in my Top Ten words are phrases that truly needs to be gotten over! 

I mean what is that we really have to "get" to "move"? 

I GET move on because we got the beat, I GET we should shake our groove thing to move to better health (and because it is pure fun), I even GET why some folks like Lady Gaga 

 

or Justin Beiber! 

 

But why are we in such a rush when something happens to move on? 

True, there are some things that honestly way too many people spend way too much time agonizing over something that really at the end of the day doesn't have anything to do with the price of tea in China. However now we have swung far too much to the other end of the pendulum with that phrase using it so indiscriminately now that people tossing it around so casually as if worrying about well lets say oh almost everything until it is beaten into being almost unrecognizable submission. 

And then what? 

Oh yes then we have to take "the journey". Never thought life was a journey. 

 

Mark Gilbreath,photographer 

I thought it was. uh, living! 

Truly I am not putting anyone down, so please do not think I am criticizing the reader if you do indeed use these phrases. 

My annoyance is in sometimes in the U.S. with people thinking "moving on" is some laudable point & by simply uttering the words, though more like hurtling them at someone, that they all of a sudden become enlighten the issue is gone and life is great!  Life is great even when there is the challenge or a temporary glitch! 


There is no shame or less virtue if someone gives some honor or dignity to the suffering or the sometimes painful work that one is dealing with .  There's a distinct difference in that and wallowing in the vomit, so to speak. 


 No one, absolutely no one can decide for the person when/ how/ why they should go from deal with it (facing the issue)  to dealing with it  (working on it) or have dealt with it (now finished). 


I submit, having a sneaky suspicion, that usually the one saying that to someone's plight whether real or imagined, is more about THEIR inability to perhaps cope (well) with whatever may be bugging THEM.  We've come up with really weird ways of feeling enpwered, more & more of using tactics to disempower others so we get a self-satisfied smugness by saying "Oh we're not like them".


Yes, someone could say that is what I am doing, but so you know...


I'm dealing with it!

I am saying can we find something else another word another phrase or something? 

There are big ole dictionaries, thesaurus and the Internet where there is a wealth of words to use! I think when we reduce things to a few catch phrase, it diminishes the speaker & the hearer as if "perhaps we are to busy to really care much so let me just toss this out and that should be enough for the moment because I simply do not have the time or want to be bothered". Or have we've become such a microwaved society that we have rushed headlong into the "culture of busyness" to feel important or to drown out what is really happening? 

And while we are rushing do we really accomplish much. Oh yes that's right we have to we must Multi-task as if that is a requirement or even worse a virtue and if you can't or won't something is wrong with YOU! 

We talk at each other, we've reduce words down to "wl C U 2morrow tnx " with now a whole generation cannot spell any longer and depend far too much on spell check... Or now we have to use Wiii so our children can get some exercise because they have lost the ability to move on... 

Make no mistake I am not saying we need the good old days, because if the truth be told the good old days weren't all that good. We see it through the scrim of time & nostalgia & selective memories but then again, I guess I can say that because... 

I've moved on...  

 

Make a Happening Happen! (Dah dah DAH)!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0HhHva8ZcY

I wrote this yesterday in regards to a rhetorical question ; "What are you doing to make a happening happen"?  I was a tad bit surprised when some did not understand the question when in essence I was asking them  to create a shift just for today.  Yesterday I was working on creating my own happening.  Didn't know what my outcome was going to be.  What I knew for sure was I had to be about creating the ground work for it to be.

I had to trust that everything that I could possibly do, I did.  And then I had to step aside and let it be.  What ever the outcome was, I would accept it even if it wasn't what I wanted or desired.

One of my students who was here during Mardi Gras asked me how can I teach someone to imagine?  It was in reponse to them asking me what I taught.  My workshop name is actually "Imagination, Inspiration and Other Leaps of Faith"

We all have the capable to imagine.  Some of us have had that skill laid dormant, being educated out of ourselves, been told it is foolish and a complete waste of time etc.

Yet much of what we use as routine today has been because someone imagine, became inspired and then boldly went where no man (or woman) had gone before.

 Sometimes the answer does not come easy or may come ridiculosuly packaged that everyone is telling you don't do it.  True enough you can sometimes fall on your face, get laughed at, feel it is all over.  

But at least you dared to go off the path.

But there are those times you must go so you can grow and then watch yourself glow like there is no tomorrow!

So what are you doing today to create a happening in your life.  Large or small; grande or petite?

Is there something you can create which can bring  a shift in activity, thinking, eating, doing good for others, doing good for oneself, creating a new job, career, passion , thinking or getting an application to go back to school, new hairdo, updating wardrobe, trying something new you always wanted to do, stopping something (at least for today) you want to stop but never really  tried to before, change the color of a room, move a chair from one spot to another?

The happening could be something small or large that you may do to shift your world. It could be as simple as trying a shade of lipstick you never thought you would to, investing in a fund for that trip you've only dreamt about, to packing up as I did & moving across country to a place who is trying to revamp itself or correcting a habit (just for today) or getting your groove on with  no concern for people thinking you are acting foolishly.

True enough you could fall flat on your face... I have many times, but at least I threw the fishing line out there... True enough even in the middle I've question was this wise, smart the "correct" thing to do, but I did it anyway.

Today I made a happening happen. I had a challenge that appeared to be insurmountable. I mean it would have grossly affected my living condition. I had exhausted everything, so I let it be.

Low & behold 3 hours later, it righted itself in a big way! There was also a sidebar ripple, unexpected, that got resolved because of the happening.

If I had not gotten up at 4am went to the fishing pond and threw my line in not knowing if the fish were going to bite who know where I would be right now.  And even if they were not biting at this part of the pond after I threw the line in would I pack up and go home after 1 try or move to another side of the pond?

I move to another side and the fish bit.. 

In a large way...

So whenever you feel like:

Or beating yourself up because it is not where you think it should be in "reality"

Create a happening. You may be a wee bit surprise what the outcome will be when that door opens.  When I "teach" imagination it is primarily a course to allow people to do what is in them all along. You see a 4yr old can understand purple clouds, by middle school they start to question, high school they roll their eyes and by adult hood they say "I am not creative". Yet they create every day.  But the conditioning we get tells us we are not.  People associate creativity, imagination with being artistic.  True enough they are siblings, fraternal triplets however not identical.

As one of the students who is coming out of graduate school this year said "how do you teach someone imagination"? My instant thought was "Oh oh". Guarantee you along the way someone told them to put away the foolishness, get real or get a "real job" "you have to deal with reality". 

"Stop dreaming"

"Stay real"

"You'll never to that"...

"Come back to earth"...

All the while using tools that someone told THOSE creators to "put away all that foolishness"; "get real" etc.  They may not see the that

1. because we are condition not to.  Imagination allows one to dream... Dream allows critical thinking.  Critical thinking allows.. well you should know the rest.

"Hey life look at me, I can see the reality...Cause when you shook me, took me out of my worldI woke up, suddenly I just woke up to the happening....
One day you-re up, then you turn aroundYou find your world is tumbling down...I was sure, I felt secure, until love took a detour...Yeah, riding high on top of the worldIt happened, suddenly it just happened...
I saw my dreams torn apart, when love walked away from my heart"

Lyrics by Holland Dozier & Holland 

It happened to me & it could happen to you...

Then:

I woke up, suddenly I woke up

The Happening...

 Dah dah DAH!