To the Ribber

I discovered a long forgotten poem:

Going To the River

By Jacquelyn Hughes Mooney ©08

When I am in a way where words refuse to suffice...

Or the tides cannot soothe my ears with a melodic rhythm

And the gentle rustle of the sycamore tree sounds more like Beethoven's Fifth

Or cleansing raindrops feels more like crashing boulders surrounding my soul.

And the 12th of Never seems ever, ever more then one should bear.

Or the blossom that fell echoed so loud that even Nat's own velvet voice failed to quiet...

As  far away as the Serengeti is for me to stroll over

And the hope that the Middle Passage was a cruel, cruel joke.

That was not absolutely not funny.

I have to seek a place to replenish myself to go on another day.

So for me...

I am going to the river...

To sit & just be.
All rights reservedJHM 4-27-08©

Red Lipstick: Given Homage to how life can work sometimes...

Red Lipstick: Given Homage to how life can work sometimes...





"Let your past make you better, Not bitter"~ Unknown

Jonathon Green,artist



Today would have been my 1st born son Donovan Perri's 40th BD had he lived. He died @ 2 1/2mos from what we now know as SIDS.






Tomorrow would have been my third born son Joshua Marion-Roi's 35th BD had he lived. He drowned tragically in my landlord pool.






There is this thing called anniversary grief that those who have lost a love one can well attest to. Time does not heal wounds. What it can give you is time...






You change and you see things perhaps from a different perspective as you move through the tide of time. Everything must change... nothing stays the same including how or which way you grieve.

When I was a young mother at the time of both their deaths age 21 at the time of Donovan's death and 31 at the time of Joshua's I wasn't sure if I could ever breathe properly. In fact at age 21 that year was a fog once I was told about Donovan. I was alone. Even at his funeral it was only me, my 2 daughters, the baby sitter at his services. I went through motions and it took a year before I could breathe properly.




Donovan was what people would have called a "good" baby quiet & easy to care for. He was a beautiful baby and was very close in personality to his older sister Andrea.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iq0XJCJ1Srw




Then Joshua came into my heart.



I went into labor on would have been Donovan's 4th BD. I prayed that I would not give birth on that day naively, feverishly thinking somehow that would have meant I could keep him.




Well it didn't although I "kept" him in essence for 7 years. Joshua was indeed born on a Sunday Morn which in essence why this song by Angela Bofill entitled "Rainbow Child, (Little Pas) that she wrote ironically in 1979 2 years before Joshua's death when she experience the tragic death of her nephew.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LdQHCdH5VY

Almost a decade later, I choreographed a dance based on this song & danced  beautifully by my daughter Trishaa in homage to her brothers.

Somehow I made a pact with myself that their lives would not be in vain. It wasn't a conscious pact not much different then my praying that Joshua would not be born on Donovan's BD, but the pact was there. Through the subsequent years I held up that pact; other years failed miserably. But I kept on getting up.


So here I am 40 years later still vertical, still caring still falling and yet even moreso getting up. In a small sense of irony, the day before the anniversary of Joshua's drowning I have a exhibition opening reception on Nov 11th. Joshua's ashes were flown out to sea on Nov 22nd which with even more irony would have been my wedding anniversary if the marriage lasted. My former husband and I separated for the last time a few months after he died.

There was no resurrection, that ship had sailed.
But I was still here!

I'm still here.

It also was for those who would remember the date of the assassination of John F. Kennedy so it would be near impossible for me to "forget" as if I would really want that to be.

Since I had more time with Joshua I can tell you how apropos this song was. He more then Donovan was remarkably like me in personality. Joshua was like cayenne pepper, adventuresome, bold, curious, imaginative a heart as big as all outdoors.

He was bold, funny highly intelligent for someone so young. And I do not say that through the scrim of time and grief. He was a special kid well like & popular even when he would drive you crazy with his high energy living. And lived he did.


Loved Star Wars, water was strong like the fictional character from the Flintstones Bamm Bamm.

So ones would know this does not take away from my living children as tey have all grown into beautiful, responsible, capable caring human beings who in their own individual ways are making their mark on the world.  I simply wished that my sons also had the same opportunities.


This morning I got up not necessarily feeling down more of a there were a couple of matters that needed to be said to some people that I had not said a few months ago as I wisely thought to give it time and would come back to revisit.


I revisited...



It wasn't a telling you off kind of visitation, more of this is where things are at & I get why it happened but now I simply want an adjustment & we will be "adjusted".


I had adjusted so this was really the epilogue.




Life can work itself out if we allow it and get out of the way of ourselves given time. So I put on my red lipstick and got out of the way.




So today I pay homage to my sons & continue to function well as one can be with whatever life and living issues. I can be bold, fearless, adventuresome, funny and have a big heart as large as all outdoors. AND I can also be quiet, easy going and good as circumstances can allow. I continue to revisit my ownself, making adjustments corrections caring for things not cared for, hoping that ones will bear with me as this is indeed a work in progress.



Know full well again that everything must change.



And we can.

We do...
We must, whether we want it to or not...

Life will continue to work.

Jonathon Green, artist




"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could"...~- Ralph Waldo Emerson, writer




www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKIIYk8tdgE

Nature Boy~In Charge of the World...

"There was a boy A very strange enchanted boy They say he wandered very far, very far Over land and sea A little shy and sad of eye But very wise was he...And then one day A magic day he passed my way And while we spoke of many things Fools and kings This he said to me the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return".~Nature Boy, Nat King Cole

From my book "Cover My Heart, So My Soul can Stay Warm"©10 . The poem is an original from a 9 year old.

This morning I stumbled upon a new fact about Z, I finally found out he had published a book!
My goodness Z is a published writer! What makes it more amzing is he is only 8 years old

I did not know.

As I read his book I was struck again in his clarity of his world written in the pureness & innocence of childhood... I excitedly said to his mom " Eureka! Now I get it! Z's poet, that is what is happening here. He's a writer!"

Now I know why I have felt the need to intervene when others push him around as he is a lot like me head in the clouds, sensitive and words bursting out all over the place. The difference between he & I s I have a 51 year advantage on him in living.

I want to add here that for most of his very young life, Z has been homeless from a time, a very rough and traumatic time & as miracles have it they are heading toward a clear & brighter life. But Z has an well meaning uncle who is very hard on him as he thinks Z is "soft" and needs to man up. Unfortunately as life goes his uncle does not get it that his actions are having the opposite effect on this young man. Mind you this uncle is by nature not a cruel man, he is behaving how HE was treated growing up and in some misguided way things that since he toughen up that it would work on Z. And his mother while doing all she can to advocate for him, clearly knows that since they are living with this uncle until she find housing, has tobe creative, finding ways to protect her son by keeping housing & keeping him safe.

But his poem is very telling. He has said in his own words what is in his heart which makes Z's poem even more poignant & shows a mature astuteness one should not have so young.

If I was in Charge of the World

By Z ©10

If I was in Charge of the World

I'd cancel brussel sprouts..

Listen to my uncle...

Cleanin the bathroom & also test...

If I was in charge of the world...

There would be cake for breakfast...

Food for my family...

And muffins...

And pizza for dinner

If I was in charge of the world...

A person couldn't yell at me...

All kids could play whenever they wanted...
And a person who fell

And scraped his hand
Would still be in charge of the world

All rights ReservedJHM©10