Tuesday, January 6, 2009
You Betta Not!
2 Griots All Rights ReservedJHM ©06
There was a quote from a Tyler Perry movie "The Family that Prey Together" in which the character Alfre Woodard made during the funeral scene "I've spent my most of my life giving it away. I think I'll keep the rest for myself".
All these months since May 2008 that has been on my mind which I think in part spurred me to make a decision..
Not too long after seeing this I made the decision to leave a place that was not good to or for me & moved to the Pacific Northwest.
The journey took 4 months and had many twists and turns. Many were not funny and in some way downright frightful. Others allowed me to experience great joy and happiness. I did this not to start over but to start up with métamorphose (transformation) & do what I've always held back from though I had enjoyed a measure of success prior. One of the things I saw very very clearly how much I had changed, released some weight, but had so much more to grow and go. Sometimes not being in a familiar environment allows you to see things as they are just as if you have clean the window s and notice how beautiful your garden is. But when the window is dulled with dust things can seem distorted.
My awareness that some people have profited from my life in so many ways which has brought me joy and sadly sometimes grief. Most of us here have known that in one form or fashion.
Unfortunately that can be simply a part of living. I know clearly as I have cleaned the window to sparkling clarity that this is now 's the time that I refrain from giving my life totally away, share what I do in a grander way but maintain an accountability to myself and a responsibility to my community.
There are things I have talked about but never put into place for almost a decade. One has been that I've had a strong desire to have my art placed on movies and tv programming as well as complete a book and open my own studio playing homage to my beloved hometown of New Orleans.. I never got to it because I allowed too many pulls and distractions to supersede my doing this and I can admit perhaps on some level I allowed the distractions to take center stage as perhaps there was a small whisper in the back of my brain that droned on about why I cannot, should not would not do this. It comes from a place where I knew I had ones some who were tormenters who because of their own fears could not let me have my full life in great joy.
And I believed them.
A stage was set 5 scores and 8 years ago and I played the supporting role in what Moon is "not worthy or, how dare you and you better not" play.
Maybe we should give this play a name...You Betta Not. But sometimes I forgot my lines and stepped out and did extraordinary things but then I was yank back with that cane to play the part and told "do not improvise. Stick to the script No revisions without authority!"
But I have taken last spring my final curtain call and exited stage left. The play is a log running one, but I did not want the part any longer. So my work is cut out, took the leap of faith, left and while the economy is very troubling, I think this could not be a better time to put things into place for a métamorphose ! I can absolutely identify Mr. Perry, the producer of the Family that Prey & a host of others large & small with the trials you had to undergo to get to this part of your life as that was the song I had to sing.
And knowing this métamorphose song, this new suite of visual musicality in what I am meant to do will be. Right now I am in putting things on paper, to articulate in words and with finality by putting it on paper. Not what I think I want, but what is in the heart planning stages, there is no money. I have many things that are pressing first that need to be cared for and cleared out before my vision can be implemented.
I know it has been the topic of conversation since yesterday and in fact even as I am writing this its being discussed asa "Hot Topic" on The View" about Oprah's show on her weight. To me it doesn't matter what side of the fence you sit on as far as Ms. Winfrey is concerned , I can only quote something from the Dali Lama cites "Take into account that great love & great achievement involves great risk".
And when you take risk not everyone is going to love you, support you. I do know how that everyone will have an opinion as to what you should do but remain silent or put into action for their own well being.
But then again maybe they are auditioning for the role I left in the play "You Betta Not" I am only saying this somewhat tongue in cheek.
But I say Brava Ms. Winfrey... Brava...
My one of my favorite quote is "When you lose, don't forget the lesson" and I have not forgotten & I have not lost...
Now I am off to write a new play called "You Gotta!"
Thank you for being you.
And how cool is that?