Over the Clouds in Kentucky photograph All rights reserved JHM ©08
There are those moments when I do not feel awesome, but it is so wonderful to know people think I am.
There are those moments when I wonder am I clothed in my right mind?
(I am) Or if I simply have my head (still) in the clouds.
There are those moments when I wonder am I clothed in my right mind?
(I am) Or if I simply have my head (still) in the clouds.
Perhaps.
There are those moments when I can wake up in a panic hearing in my own head "What have you gon 'n done?" It last only for a moment because somewhere deep inside of me that I have not found the words for (yet) terlls me I am indeed on the right path. It just that I have not yet known what the "it" is and when "it" will be.
But I have to let it be. The alternative is not feasible. And I also know I am not alone. There are many others going through and probably in a more dramatic way then I something enormous for them (or for me).
This has indeed been a year of change of new beginnings personally, professionally and socially. Here I am "wandering through the wilderness" as I reinvent my life.
While right now I do not have a permanent address, but it is not stopping who I am or what I need to do.
I came here on faith and trust that in the end all will work itself out. Ironically with my being on the "Edge of the Water" I see so much how I've grown and seeing things clearly now. My resiliency, humor focus & tenacity is rock solid. What is fairly new is (still more) experiencing l the falling away of dead or dying leaves, metaphorically speaking.
It's like I told someone last week, I could have sat in G'boro wringing my hands and in the end still would have been losing my home (I chose to leave though for the record) and wringing my hands or I could have gotten up and done something (which is what I am doing).
There's no way I've ask anyone for permission, approval or criticism in doing this. The difference for me is that I have so focused and tuned out people's negativity, cynicism or discouragement. We all have known people who take delight in dancing on the grave or have not yet face the sort of man or woman they ought to be. I am seeing people struggle valiantly trying to maintain or hold onto a life that really is no more or was as King Solomon said "Vanity and striving after the wind". And in the pursuit of it are slowly watching their humanity (and their sense of doing the right thing) slowly seep out the bottom.
My belief is first is that I do no harm nor do I want people to harm me. If they cannot uplift /encourage/ support/ celebrate/ make provision then at least do no harm. And that includes themselves or someone they see in a level of vulnerability. Blaming, berating mocking someone Else's vulnerability will not and let me emphasize will not stop time and unforeseen circumstances from happening to you, if that is to happen.
I am indeed somewhat tired and ready to have my own place to lay my head and get to work, but it is coming. I've met many people who have much to my surprise that I was encouraging them and who have been tracking my travels and very very few who would do harm. I was quite disappointed in one artist I (used to) know who thought I was just vulnerable enough for them to take advantage of. And she did, but not to the degree they wanted to as I was quite adept and gave myself permission to vacate the area so that would not happen
There were others (very few) with whom I have supported, mentored, cheered etc who when it became time for them as young people would say "man up" that did not, would, not. Sometimes the testing is not for the person who may be eperiencing difficulty, but for the ones around them to should what sort of man or woman they could be. Some will rise but alas many will not though they will be replete with numerous justifications as to why they could not or would not.
Understand people can only do what people can do and ducks can only quack so I am not mad at them. I am not an anything with them. Once upon a time I would have agonized and made myself sick or silly over what did I do wrong or how can they do this to me or I am so embarrassed or this should have happen to me yada yada yada, but no not this time.
It is me and me (though not completely alone) who have faced the woman in the mirror and not only have taken responsibility for what happens from this moment on no matter what anyone else might say or do.
There was a quote in a movie I saw recently. In fact, Tyler perry's "The Family that Preys" where the Alfre Woodard character in the near end of the movie in the funeral scene as she gives the euglogy states in reflection:" I spent most of my life giving it (her life) away. I think I am going to keep the rest for myself" and she takes off in her friends car for a trip to parts unknown. She simply says to the her friend's picture "I think this time we go North" while Gladys Knight sings her heart out Lee Ann Womack's "I hope you Dance".
That song has stuck in my head every since then
I Hope You Dance
Lee Ann Womack
.
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance I hope you dance
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking Lovin' might be a mistake But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance (Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance (Rolling us along) I hope you dance (Tell me who)
I hope you dance (Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)
I hope you still feel small When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance A
nd when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
There are those moments when I can wake up in a panic hearing in my own head "What have you gon 'n done?" It last only for a moment because somewhere deep inside of me that I have not found the words for (yet) terlls me I am indeed on the right path. It just that I have not yet known what the "it" is and when "it" will be.
But I have to let it be. The alternative is not feasible. And I also know I am not alone. There are many others going through and probably in a more dramatic way then I something enormous for them (or for me).
This has indeed been a year of change of new beginnings personally, professionally and socially. Here I am "wandering through the wilderness" as I reinvent my life.
While right now I do not have a permanent address, but it is not stopping who I am or what I need to do.
I came here on faith and trust that in the end all will work itself out. Ironically with my being on the "Edge of the Water" I see so much how I've grown and seeing things clearly now. My resiliency, humor focus & tenacity is rock solid. What is fairly new is (still more) experiencing l the falling away of dead or dying leaves, metaphorically speaking.
It's like I told someone last week, I could have sat in G'boro wringing my hands and in the end still would have been losing my home (I chose to leave though for the record) and wringing my hands or I could have gotten up and done something (which is what I am doing).
There's no way I've ask anyone for permission, approval or criticism in doing this. The difference for me is that I have so focused and tuned out people's negativity, cynicism or discouragement. We all have known people who take delight in dancing on the grave or have not yet face the sort of man or woman they ought to be. I am seeing people struggle valiantly trying to maintain or hold onto a life that really is no more or was as King Solomon said "Vanity and striving after the wind". And in the pursuit of it are slowly watching their humanity (and their sense of doing the right thing) slowly seep out the bottom.
My belief is first is that I do no harm nor do I want people to harm me. If they cannot uplift /encourage/ support/ celebrate/ make provision then at least do no harm. And that includes themselves or someone they see in a level of vulnerability. Blaming, berating mocking someone Else's vulnerability will not and let me emphasize will not stop time and unforeseen circumstances from happening to you, if that is to happen.
I am indeed somewhat tired and ready to have my own place to lay my head and get to work, but it is coming. I've met many people who have much to my surprise that I was encouraging them and who have been tracking my travels and very very few who would do harm. I was quite disappointed in one artist I (used to) know who thought I was just vulnerable enough for them to take advantage of. And she did, but not to the degree they wanted to as I was quite adept and gave myself permission to vacate the area so that would not happen
There were others (very few) with whom I have supported, mentored, cheered etc who when it became time for them as young people would say "man up" that did not, would, not. Sometimes the testing is not for the person who may be eperiencing difficulty, but for the ones around them to should what sort of man or woman they could be. Some will rise but alas many will not though they will be replete with numerous justifications as to why they could not or would not.
Understand people can only do what people can do and ducks can only quack so I am not mad at them. I am not an anything with them. Once upon a time I would have agonized and made myself sick or silly over what did I do wrong or how can they do this to me or I am so embarrassed or this should have happen to me yada yada yada, but no not this time.
It is me and me (though not completely alone) who have faced the woman in the mirror and not only have taken responsibility for what happens from this moment on no matter what anyone else might say or do.
There was a quote in a movie I saw recently. In fact, Tyler perry's "The Family that Preys" where the Alfre Woodard character in the near end of the movie in the funeral scene as she gives the euglogy states in reflection:" I spent most of my life giving it (her life) away. I think I am going to keep the rest for myself" and she takes off in her friends car for a trip to parts unknown. She simply says to the her friend's picture "I think this time we go North" while Gladys Knight sings her heart out Lee Ann Womack's "I hope you Dance".
That song has stuck in my head every since then
I Hope You Dance
Lee Ann Womack
.
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance I hope you dance
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking Lovin' might be a mistake But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance (Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance (Rolling us along) I hope you dance (Tell me who)
I hope you dance (Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)
I hope you still feel small When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance A
nd when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance (Rolling us along)
I hope you dance (Tell me who)
Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance (Where those years have gone)
I hope you dance I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance (Rolling us along)
I hope you dance (Tell me who)
Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance (Where those years have gone)
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