Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Come Along with Me....

There are those days that come along when you think that others will think like you, be like you or see like you only to find out that it 'taint necessarily so. And the resistance may not always come from a vantage point of your idea, action or belief is wrong ( or right) for that matter, it just may simply mean they have to go another way.

You may have to do it alone or not at all but still need to do something.

Its a weird time for me and has been weird for a couple of years, but this weird is somewhat different. I've known there is something I am suppose to do but the way has not been clear yet for me to see. I do know however, whenever I get to a new stage both personally & professionally, it is preceded with a lot of weirdness.

So this must be HUMONGOUS, ginormous.

All I can do do is continue to prep myself, do what I can do and try to keep the fear or the trepidation at a minimum, turn a deaf ear to naysayers or eye-rollers (Y'all know who you are).

I feel like I am champing at the bit,, wanting to rock and roll, to do SOMETHING, but so many rocky blocks keep showing up. It can be discouraging, but not defeating. I have to quote from the Color Purple what Celie said to Nettie when Nettie told her that she had to fight back, not to let people run over you, not to let them have the upper hand. Celie's comment was "I don't know how to fight back.. I only know how to stay alive". And sometimes that is all one can do for the time being.

Last night was one of those troubling nights that I could not sleep so I got up at 1 am to clean out my closet, not that there was much to do as I am pretty organize. But what I did do was remove some items that were dated, never used or did not fit my pre-surgery body. I also got rid of some "old lady shoes" that I've never worn.

Mind you, I do not have a problem with aging. In fact, I am so looking forward to entering my 6th decade late summer. What I do have a problem with is people's perception of what getting older is all about.

I suspect some of my struggle & the weirdness I am feeling right now is in my gut, in the very marrow of my being something big is going to happen and it ties in with this new decade will be for me.

Not unlike Grandma Moses, Georgia O'Keefe,Dr. Maya Angelou and a host of other mighty warrior women who really hit their mark upon entering 60. Not that any of these women both the famous, the not so famous and ones known for their infamy were chopped liver before hand, but they really hit their stride at the big 6-OH.

So if people want to come along with me they are welcomed, but I am enough to go at it alone. Whatever it will be, I will be grand at it...

I just wish it would hurry up...

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