Way to (not) Fold~

" Comfort & prosperity have never enriched the world as mush as adversity has. Out of pain & problems has come the sweetest songs & the most gripping stories"~ Billy Graham


Then Mr. Graham I must be Mighty Mouse :=)


As I down in countdown mode for my pending surgery on August 11th & have been running to the hospital everyday for more pre-opt testing, I've had a lot of time sitting there observing other people and looking at myself in all of this.

I've gotten a LOT of "aren't you afraid?" to "how is your spirit today" to even being called by people who have not been exactly supportive or not believing the serious of my condition the last 2 years thinking "if she would ONLY lose some weight" etc when my issue for this surgery is NOT about my weight.

I suspect in some cases their may be some guilt or wanting to have a conscience cleared just in case... (just in case what?).

Because (I am thankful for this) I have a pretty intact, hard-earned level of self esteem, some see me as being without feelings or wanting for a moment to rest or have someone take care of ME for a change, which hasn't exactly been forthcoming. Yes I am strong but I am also very human with all the accompanying emotions.

Am I scared? What I would fear more is NOT having the surgery! My body will not withstand much more of where I a right now. For those who may not know I am NOT having batriatic surgery.

I have a very distended hernia that has been the bane of my existence. It has badly encroached on my other organs . It is most definitely not " just a hernia"

Back to topic:

Well I haven't exactly had the time to be afraid as I scurry fro one thing after another prepping for when I come home since I have little to no help available and I have to be able to function as if I do not.

I cannot afford to come home from major surgery and not be able to care for my basic needs as I recuperate let along any of the normal things that has to continue to be done. When things like this occurred I am very focused and so do know how to prioritize.

I do not have the energy or time to look to the right or to the left, so fear cannot be part of the program..Not now & perhaps not later. But it would be so nice to be cared for, but I have to take care of what I know needs to be done especially when you are operating from air, wish & a prayer.

Trust me when I say I absolutely will let things fold on the wayside as I heal...

I do indeed have a few people with offers.

One of my neighbors will care for my veggie & flower gardens while I am recoup-ping. Another friend who is coming to be with me the day of my surgery to advocate for me if something happens while I am unconscious. Another who will pick up my mail and another who will drive me to the hospital and bring me home afterward when they discharge me.

Still another not in the area who have stepped up paying my utility bills so I can have access to the outside world while I am still w/o income. Still yet, a few total strangers who have aided me the last few days at the hospital intervening when bureaucratic errors threatened my surgery with a cancellation.

Sometimes money is not required, just a little TLC & recognition of one's humanity is in order.

I am strong but not impervious to hesitation or angst. I am not concrete although unfortunately, some people think if you have emotional & spiritual strength somehow translate to unfeeling or being like concrete.

However it is to the contrary.

I have to trust people who I do not know from the surgeon to the anesthesiologist, to the nurse or the orderly to do their job well. I have to trust many people who are links to my health & well being that they will do their utmost to care for me at a time when I cannot care for myself.

And I have to trust (and I do) that all will be well in the final analysis...

...Now I just to have make sure that my laundry is done and my bed is prep to receive me the day I come home from the hospital... (Moon scribbles on her to do list)

I am looking forward to being able to stand upright and being able to resume walking (well) in a few weeks.

I am looking forward to being able to really handle my cause & care but personally & professionally without impediments.

I am looking forward to being able to put my shoes on w/o it being a major undertaking.

Of being able to laugh w/o having to hold my stomach because it hurts to much.

To be able to sit up and create without it physically hurting me.

To be able to viable in every sense.

As I have said the alternatives w/o the surgery is what I would be more afraid of. I am not looking forward to being alone in this though I won't be completely alone.

I expect I will have a moment of fear when it is time to roll me into the room, but I am expecting the cute surgeon with the great green eyes to be good at what he does & I will be just fine.

Be Fearless~Stop Talking to Yourself

Stop Talking to Yourself

http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/spirit/knowyourself/pkgempoweryourself/slideshow1_ss_wellbeing_fearless/6

In Buddhism, there are several categories of suffering, one of which is called "The Suffering of Suffering," which is different from the normal suffering human beings face.

We all experience loss and disappointment. But we increase our suffering when we develop complex stories about where it came from, where it's going, or whose fault it all is. I'm not saying we shouldn't be thoughtful about the events of our life, but at a certain point, all that storytelling becomes counterproductive.

Instead of analyzing your feelings, you can consider the counsel of American Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön: "Feel the feeling and drop the story."

Try this: When you notice you're beginning to spin out, instead of thinking about your suffering, feel it. Notice where it resides in your body, whether it feels hot or cold, dull or sharp, speedy or spacey. You could even cry or stomp around. Be patient and let yourself feel what you're feeling as an end in itself. You'll be amazed at how much faster suffering resolves itself when you cut out the suffering of suffering.

Take Your Foot Off the Gas for a Minute

Diana Prescott,photographer

Vacation is what you take when you can't take what you've been taking any longer.
- Lion from Wizard of Oz

Awareness through downshifting

Often our first reaction to a stressful situation is to overcompensate and overwork to overcome whatever it is. Sometimes though, the best thing you can do it step away, take a breath, and come back to tackle the problem with a clear head. Replacing important things in your life with work only causes anxiety to build up--not to mention that it takes the joy out of life. Vacation does not have to mean physically leaving your everyday life and jet setting to the beach.

Whatever relaxes you, brings more clarity, or calms your mind during times of stress can certainly be enough to rejuvenate! When logic tells you to quicken your pace and pile on the extra work, yet your heart is reminding you of the meaningful time you are neglecting with family, friends, and yourself, it's time to slow down.

Often letting off on the gas for a period of time can compose and refocus your mind.

What It Looks Like

"To be nobody but yourself--in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else-- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting". ~E.E Cummings

This remark by Cummings, a poet, made wonder why on earth would one have to fight to be fully themselves having the courage of their convictions or living a fruitful productive life?

Of course then I realize that there is always always, always someone who seem to want for you not to be acceptable of oneself or accepting what is an inalienable right to have a joyously, juicy, delicious golden life. When ones may have embarked on doing things like can make a life, their life shimmer as encased in gold.

Whether it is something as simple as learning to ride a bike at 65, going back to college at 50, even hang gliding (though its not something I want to do) or be like the Scottish woman who all she wanted to do was to fulfill a promise to her mother after years of loving care was to sing, someone had to put her up to put her down.

Anthony Robbins said once about dreaming so big that people will laugh at you. If they are not, you are not dreaming big enough. It don't matter if it not come to fruition, but wouldn't just imagining it can make your life golden? What will success look like to you now or when you reach the goal?

Are your preparing for that eventuality or is it somewhat half cocked, a vague idea of what life will be like. And what if life does not end up being what you envision?


Adjusting your vision tweaking it as you are going through the process is smart & healthy. Even if you have a regression which is also normal having an idea of your vision plan, a guide or outline will aid you greatly in saying on track or a map to guide you back if you were distracted.

A successful plan can engage you into seeing yourself doing something you've only talked about whether it is something as simple as learning to ride a bike at 65, going back to college at 50, even hang gliding (though its not something I want to do) or be like the Scottish woman who set out to accomplish all she wanted to do & that was to fulfill a promise to her mother & herself. After years of loving care she opened her mouth & the world fell in love with her heart's desire, to sing, reached a mega number audience in the process. What she had only dreamt about, she created a vision plan, acted on it & won.

Not the contest which was really secondary, but she won...

She won even as some put her up to put her down. Even the ones who did not want her to change. It was interesting both camps seemed to focus on the same thing; her weight "dumpiness" lack of sophistication, "unattractiveness". Some clamor for an improvement, others wanting none.

But she knew what she wanted, went after it and got it!

Although she did not win the top spot, tabloids trashed her had her in rehab, in a mental health hospital a Boyle gone wild scenario. Yet she was like most of us, an average person with an amazing voice who simply wanted to use it in a larger way. And dared to dream big so much that others took noticed.

And it is well earned for her, you & me. While that might not be our aspiration, your bigness could be something more modest.

Being motivated will only go so far... George Frasier, author of the book Click!;Ten Truths To Building Extraordinary Relationships, said recently:"Motivation alone is not enough. If you have an idiot and you motivate him, now you have a motivated idiot"... It seems apparent, to me, evidence by the gazillion self help books /programs that are out there, that there are tons of people who are motivational junkies enjoying the next rush in hearing ,the speech,, reading the next book, seeing the next inspiring movie, but never quite ever going past that point.

We all may know someone like that and sometimes it is no further then the mirror. And we could all use the infusion, I know I do, because some times we do take detours, get off the track, pay more attention to people who while not necessarily against us but not for us. We can get so close to seeing what success looks like and it can be so awesome we get a wee bit overwhelmed or downright scared and back off the plan.

You go after it, after all, to see what success can look like.

A vision is a very good thing.

One with a plan is an excellent one.

One put into action is supreme.

A vision keeps you excited, keeps it juicy, keeps you from bumping around in the
dark.

It will make you know success when you see it .