Someone got Ready...©08

Today I ran into a former a business acquaintance of mine .

He was positively glowing and seem happier then I had ever seen him & I had to tease him a bit about who was the new love in his life.

Well turns out he had quite smoking several weeks ago and it showed! When I asked him how did he do it and turns out he had been in the hospital a few weeks ago and spent 8 days and did not smoke. He thought then "Well if I went 8 days without a cigarette I could just continue"...

And so he did.

He looks great, really great and tells me he is enjoying food, the wonderful tastes and has even cut back greatly on coffee and Coke. In the four years I have made his acquaintance he sometimes would subsist only on cigarettes, coffee and coke. And had tried to quit smoking for over 10 years. This was a person who had struggled for 30 of his 50+ years with alcohol and substance abuse, lost a leg in a shootout in his teens managed somehow to overcome his addictions but could not could not seemed to stop smoking.

Never could he maintain a loving relationship with a woman, he loved women, but like some people rebuff when a woman got to close and wanted rightfully so a more committed, loving relationship with him. This was a man that had a lot to offer but did not see that he was worthy to allow someone to love him completely and find fulfillment.

According to him he has a nasty temper and I have witnessed it twice myself, but have always known him to be able easily to humble himself and apologize for his actions. What ever shadows were chasing him all his life he seem not to be able to put them down and rest. This was a man who cam from a 2 parent loving home, had his needs met, but somewhere along the line from what little he felt free to tell me, he did not think he was worthy.

In school he was teased and mocked a lot as he is not a tall man and quite slender, but did have a certain attractiveness about him and my suspicion there was some envy on the parts of the one who persecuted him.

But at the end of the day, he did find something deep in him that first gave him the ability to work on the alcohol & illegal drugs and now cigarettes. I've seen him start & stop counseling so many times that none of his friends batted an eye when he would try again.

But he did it, he did try again.

And so can any on us whatever it is that is holding you back or down. Like the Chinese proverb "Fall down seven, get up eight" You just keep getting up and starting where you are.

You owe it to yourself and you owe it to the rest of the world to be the best possible human being you can.

His examples shows that when a person is ready, really ready, they will do it.

And how cool is that?

All rights reservedJHM©08

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed."Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions--and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.The sand is everything else--the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. "

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first --the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

When it is no longer Golden ©08

Cassia fistula -Golden Shower

I think we've all have had it happen at one time or another of someone or something that is absolutely bent on making you, the next door neighbor, the shoe shine man and anyone they come in contact with as miserable and shallow as they are.

You try forebearance, patience, humor, understanding, a dollop more of patience/compassion/humor, but their point is only to fill themselves up. And what they want to fill themselves up with is nothing they can get from you.

Or anyone else.

Their actions aren't from orignal thought, they have turn almost into an art form a manipulation, near parasitic urges to have what they could have all along if they had only looked inside themselves and work hard toward it.

But unfortuantely there is almost a spiritual laziness, looking for the easy out instead of good hard work. Its a laziness borne of hunger, spiritual malaise from being malnourished, too weak, so they think, to do something to restore themselves in a healthy way though unfortunately sometimes they do not get it until it is too late to be resurrected.

So what is one to do when one of these leech types threaten to suck the marrow out of their host?
There those times when you need to say clearly, enphatically & succintly to back off. There is no guarentee that they will, but you are setting a boundary in how far you will go to tolerate bad behavior. What you do after that depends greatly on the circumstance, your temperment and how willing you are to go.

But make note that many of these types of people are like a tree I understand is home to India called in its folk name "Golden Shower" It is a magnificent tree to look at with beautiful flowers blooming in abundance. But the Golden Shower trees is highly invasive and parasitic and once it takes root it is near impossible to eradicate. It will overgrow, smother any other plant that has the misfortune to be anywhere near, depriving the other plants of nutrients, water, sunlight and the ability to grow and prosper.

There are people that are like the Golden Shower tree. They will come along looking for a host to carry it to its next destination and once they get their roots growing they will invade until the other person figuratively die. That is if you let it or them suck the very air out of you. Remember it is necessary for them to have something to hold onto for life and energy and they will do whatever is necessary to grasp and hold on. Their very life in their eyes depends on it.

Unlike the Golden Shower Tree, these parasitic types can be uprooted and especially if you recognize it before it goes too far. I would suspect the majority of the times people who are invasive like this are not evil people. By no shape are they. The majority of the time they are very scared, lonely people who had another golden shower-like person to deprive them of necessary nutrients, water, air, light and the ability to grow. So they become stagnant, or dormant or stunted and truly on some level really do believe they can do it on their own.

And while you can have compassion for them, they are not a tree with no conscious thought or for that matter a conscience. They absolutely do have the ability to uproot and move out of the way so they can indeed grow. Unfortunatley they do not believe it and continue what they know.

So how far you go to grow and not allow them to suffocate you depends greatly on how or what they are doing matters to you. We all have to choose our battles and some things are far more important and outweigh any need to comtinue with them.

And then there are those times you have to make your position perfectly clear whether they heed it or not. Because it isn't for them, your stating your position. It is for you because one way or another they will move on, invade somewhere else until there is not left to suck dry.

Then in the end they are still what they had always feared the most.

The will be alone with themselves

And that is not cool

All rights servedJHM6-9-08©

Extra Straw poem ©03

I haven’t left yet, if you noticed.

But you need to cut me some slack…

And don’t put that extra straw on my back.

Don’t lay me as the enemy mine…

I am not the bearer that you should be wary of.

But the one who stayed, when the shadowy locust feasted…

And sped away.

I know you are vulnerable and trying to gain some control…

But you need to cut me some slack…

And don’t put that extra straw on my back

All rights reservedJHM8-4-03©

Lift every voice quote

It is better to not see an insult then it is to avenge it~ Seneca

Sparks People Translation

Unfortunately, there are just some flat out negative people in the world. Everyone has run across someone, (maybe even a friend of yours), that always finds flaws in others. Sometimes, the person on the receiving end of an insult could be you. There are different ways to deal with this however. You can turn defensive, or send an insult right back at them, perhaps plot revenge for later on. Or, you could simply let it go. Why stress about some mean spirited comment someone said about you? Besides, they are only words. If it helps, try and think of a few positive aspects about yourself. Remember that was only one person’s opinion; there are others who do not feel the same way. The more and more you can forget about insults, the more relaxed you will be. So, as they say in New York, forget about it!

www.sparkspeople.com

Dey Nile

©08

When I was a little girl probably no more then 9,I loved doll houses. I never was a fan of playing with dolls but I loved doll houses. I would spend hours rearranging the furniture, those little plastic miniaturized versions of furniture as well as the ones painted on the inside walls. I was bound and determined somehow I would find a way to take those pieces painted off the walls so I can really make the place House Beautiful or worthy of HGTV. Of course it never happened, but what I know that it did helped me stretch my imagination and creativity to become what I can do best today. But clearly then, (though I know ones would forgive me), that I was in denial. but what would a 9 year old girl know about denial?


But today, as a full board certified grown woman I know as probably the majority of us do, on some level when we know we are in denial of something. Today while in my head I think I have a wonderful voice and could sing like Patti Labelle or Minnie Riperton, the reality is my voice is more like a wildebeest in heat then either one of these divas. Please understand I am not being cruel to myself. I've recorded my voice and when you roll over and fall off the bed in laughter, you know that it is pretty bad. There are a few tunes I can do a decent job on, but the reality the chances of my getting a recording contract are slim to zero.


So I am not in denial of my skills. But it does not stop me from singing out loud, I am simply merciful to others that when I do I am completely alone. My denial would come if I decided I could try out for American Idol or some other show and even after I am told, saw the video, dogs start to howl, the car alarm goes off and people fled the scene to continue on this path.

All the heart, soul & belief in the world is not going to change what is.

And so we should consider that about being in "Dey Nile" (and I am not talking about the river in Egypt). At some point or another we have done it as truth can indeed be painful and especially if it is something that we want so badly to be if we are getting something out of it that we need. But most of us do not spend our entire lives in denial, setting up scenarios, events or people causing trouble, pain & disappointments in ourselves and others because we have held on to a belief system which probably in the beginning was not true or even if it was that we no longer are at.


But sometimes there are some of us who hold onto the lie for dear life as we see it as all we have, even when the denial is killing us literally, figuratively or spiritually. And we end up creating conditions that would pile up that belief. I would suspect that at one time or another we've all done it even when no one else knows & if the only person we are impair is us. There are some who expend tremendous energy & thought into this joint, a party with no guest and even the host wants to leave.. But we can plug it up, reject and redirect that energy to having a magnificent soirée replete with impressive food, splendid music, brilliant company with lofty conversation if one chooses.


However those who thrive and live to being martyrs are bent on finding where it doesn't exist, scenario of attacks or people out to get them because they have this huge reservoir of necessary suffering they need to keep filled first because they believed the lie & secondly, they may not know what else there is to do. Though to the contrary there is so much abundance it could fill us up for several lifetimes.


Now don't mistake, I am a board certified dreamer. I think it is wonderful to indulge in creative license. But I do know when I am living in the moment, in reality and know the difference between the two. But then you see others (and it appears to me the ones who are hurting the worst) pride themselves in dealing with "reality" when their reality very well could be a lie, of being in denial. And somehow their saying they "only" dealing with reality is said with a certain amount of piety and that reality is painful and one must suffer. But reality is also a beautiful thing & does not have to hurt one lil bit.

And I will take the risk here to venture that sometimes denial can be a protection particularly when there has been far too much audio graffiti. When you were assailed as a child denying your beauty and humanity, or as an adult when people howl, harm and hurt with all sorts of things that can be indescribable, denial can be a buffer and a protection to keep you breathing and functioning until you can clear away the suffering.

To a point.

Then denial can end up being that albatross, an anvil that will drag you, hold you down imprison you. It can deny you of your humanity and a whole wonderful world that can nourish and give provisions that you may not know are there until you face yourself. And then discover that facing you can be a absolutely wonderful place and a wonderful person to be.

So when you see yourself floating on a barge down the Nile eating grapes or as the 9 year old me happily engaged in rearranging the painted wall furniture in the doll house, know that one day you could be a extraordinary human being or in my case a pretty good artist and designing the furniture in real life that used to be on that wall.

Now how cool is that?

All rights reservedJHM08 ©

The HeART of the Matter ©03

While the water laughed all around me…
And the wind opened its mouth to sing this song to me…

Again...

“I was moving backward on a forward highway…
Shall I question ...

Again?

If this is what makes me whole?”
That is, for me, the heart of the matter.

This…
This thing, I am tilted toward…

Is it a renaissance?

Regeneration?

Can this phoenix bend the river’s current to what needs fulfillment?
For me, it is the heart of the matter.

Leading a satisfied life is my heart’s dream.
Throughout my soul are songs reaching for what beyond what I settled for.
Suppressing no more as the bough breaks
The matters of the heart, is for me.


No longer fine with regurgitated whine.
A sad, sad song spinning its wheel...
All that it kicked up was dirt…
But going nowhere in so much hurry.

Can I do it?

Will you do it?
Turn on the light!

Banish the shadows, so I can shine.
That is the heart of the matter.

Let me whisper loudly from my heart’s recesses.
I need to walk proudly graced with dignity.
And preserve all the beauty that is going forwardly through the shining waters.
It is I, the heart that matters.

All rights reserved JHM 13-03©