NSA~ Need some Attention? It Only takes a Minute..

Some of my best thoughts comes to me immediately upon waking. Other times while I am walking or creating. This morning was one of those upon my awakening moments. I was reflecting on a conversation I had with two acquaintances about how despite a very mean spirited time we are living in, that human beings have not change a lot in the regard of needing kindness, good words or paying serious attention to. It is indeed in our nature to know that someone genuinely cares, that we get words of approval, or praise that is sincere. One of the remarks was that she was not the kind of person who needs "someone always patting her on the back or need to be the center of attention always". I gather what she was saying, but later that night I got to thinking"what about it when a person DOES need attention. What is wrong with that"? Is it a weakness or a false pride sense of autonomy/independence that makes people think they do not need it? Praise or genuine caring is to human beings what water & sun is to a growing plant. It is part of our makeup perhaps to different degrees,but still needed. Even while human beings are being constantly told to buck up, stop whining, act more like machines,be "professional" i.e non-feeling that we have truly arrived. If that is the case, why on why are suicides on the rise, more murders, more people on anti-depressant, obesity on the rise, etc if that was the case? All of us need a soft place to fall into. And the fear of an epidemic of drama queens & kings is what you have or the thought (egad) that if we give someone attention they will create more drama to get even more, I say AND? I would submit that if people GOT the attention, full dead on attention (which does not mean you have to fix the problem) that the craving for drama will actually subside not increase., Look at a moment at children, we all know if they cannot get your attention one way, they will up the ante until you turn around and then the outcome may not be the most beneficial to all. And paying attention may only take a few seconds but can make the recipient feel absolutely wonderful for the rest of the day. Yesterday in my walk I sent less then 3 minutes with a construction worker who was tending to a home be refurbished 5 years after Katrina. I could tell in those 3 minutes not only did he take pride in his work but he also cared about this city and his share in re-sparking this lovely place. My acknowledgement of that caring made him smile. I would like to say that I may never see him again, but that would not be true as the home is literally 1/2 block from where I live and I will make it a point a couple of times a week to walk in that direction to see the progress he is making. He knows (as I told him) I've been walking around looking at the homes where work has started, progressed & ended. So I know I will see him again. And with my acquaintances last night, I told him about that, I also talked about my experiences when someone gave ME attention and I passed it forward to someone else. I am quick o note when you can tell when a compliment is not sincere or a person is being patronizing. That is not the kind of attention I desire or need. But I do enjoyed looking for ways to give attention to someone else, friend or stranger alike. You never know how or what your attention to that person can make all the difference in the world to them. And as a side advantage, YOU may end of benefiting from the residual well being of the recipient. Our world today is filled with meanness, criticism, outright slander & belittling others. We as a culture rewards this kind of bad behavior. We pay people huge sums of money, making "celebrities" out of them giving them platforms to extol cruelty, be "entertained by bad behavior. (Kinda reminds me of what the whole Roman Empire/Christians being murdered in the arena, gluttony, debasement for entertainment mindset). No I do not think we have to go to the Pleasantville/Leave it to Beaver extreme either as that is all fantasy any how, but we truly see a rapidly eroding civility going on, much which is fueled by the media,& the Internet. We now have a couple of generations of people who have difficulty connecting with people in IRL, somehow taking solace or even yes I said it) pride in their "ability" not to "need" anyone of looking at disconnection as a badge of honor,source of pride... So when we tsk tsk tsk, or bemoan still yet another murder/suicide or wonder where the world is going or think that we have lost our natural mind, for a moment, please, think back of when was the last time YOU gave attention to someone for even just a few seconds, which could have made all the difference in the world.

Be a Character!

Suffering is the tuition one pays for a character degree.

- Richard M. Rayner, M.D.


What you Learn from Suffering
"Perhaps you think this isn't very positive' sounding, but I find it helps people (patients and friends) put hardship, which is inevitable, to good use," says Richard. "People can use their suffering either to gain character or become bitter. The ones who choose bitterness live a long, slow death. The ones who choose character truly live." Richard is right on the money. Happiness and sadness don't happen to us--they come from within. The story of your life will be written with or without your help. The next chapter is happening while you read this. Will you wait to see what it says later, or will you help write it?

, SparkPeople member What you really learn from hardships "Perhaps you think this isn't very positive' sounding, but I find it helps people (patients and friends) put hardship, which is inevitable, to good use," says Richard. "People can use theirsuffering either to gain character or become bitter. The ones who choose bitterness live a long, slow death. The ones who choose character truly live." Richard is right on the money. Happiness and sadness don't happen to us--they come from within. The story of your life will be written with or without your help. The next chapter is happening while you read this. Will you wait to see what it says later, or will you help write it?

A Man Named Pearl Coming to New Orleans!

If you are in the New Orleans area, you must come & see this extraordinary man speak. Otherwise search out the documentary "A Man Named Pearl". It is the most warming,restorative story of the human spirit & artistry.

He will appear on CBS affiliate WWL-4 Thursday morning

SELF-TAUGHT TOPIARY ARTIST PEARL FRYAR
Fryar to Speak on a Panel with Leah Chase and Edward "Kidd" Jordan

When Pearl Fryar and his wife sought to buy a house in an all-white neighborhood of Bishopville, SC, they were discouraged with the explanation that "Black people don't keep up their yards."

Remarkably, instead of fueling bitterness and anger, this comment motivated Pearl to win the Bishopville "Yard of the Month Award," and eventually to transform his ordinary suburban yard into a horticultural wonderland.

The garden's topiary centerpiece emblazons both its message and Pearl's own philosophy: "Love, Peace, and Goodwill."

Schedule:

What: "An Evening with Pearl Fryar"
When: 5:30p Thursday Oct 14th
Where: Longue Vue's Playhouse
Cost: $10 Suggested Donation

On Friday October 15th

What: A Man Named Pearl Screening

When: 9am, Friday, Oct 15th
Where: Dilliard University Lawless Chapel
Cost: Free


Topiary Sculpture Demonstration by Pearl Fryar
10:15am

Dilliard Lawless Chapel
Free to Public; 1st come 1st served

Panel Discussion with Pearl Fryar, Leah Chase & Edward "Kidd" Jordan
For more information, contact Hilaririe Schackai at 504 488 5488,ext 401 or hschackai@longuevue.com

There's dumb, then there's dumber..

Do not be afraid to ask dumb questions. They are easier to handle than dumb mistakes.~Unknown

Many people ask the wrong questions, which can hinder their work. That's why it is so important to ask the right questions--to get the right answers! Everyone fears looking stupid in front of other people. No one wants to ask a silly question and get laughed at. But not asking a question that needs an answer can have consequences that might be just as embarrassing or detrimental. If you're thinking about it, chances are that someone else is curious too. Your own fears can paralyze you, but deep down if the shoe were on the other foot, you probably wouldn't make fun of someone else for asking questions. Don't take the hard way and suffer through mistakes, speak up and clear up any confusion!

Way to Glow~Simple Act to Move a Mountain

Don't be afraid to give your best at what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves."~ Dale Carnegie

I woke up this morning right about the same time when people in the hospital would have been flipping on lights,banging in your rooms, take blood pressure readings after waiting you up out of a dead sleep while I was in the hospital. After nearly 2 weeks of daily interrupted sleep, my body now is trying to find itself back into a more peaceful undisturbed restorative slumber.

I was thinking of someone, a certified nursing assistant that did a very small act for me, that touched my heart, restored dignity and respected my humanity. While it is a routine and simple thing that we do everyday, her act actually went deeper for me in restoring the hearth on the way to wellness.

She bathe me.

Yup, that simple.

When I was too weak, bewildered, overwhelmed, hurting feeling like part of a cattle herd being force down the chute for branding I was having difficulty caring , not my hygiene, but just the simple act of standing upright let along walking to the bathroom.

This sweetheart after making my bed with fresh sheets, bringing me water etc, brought in warm water and proceed to sponge bathe me.

One of the 1st things I thought is how overly sexualized our culture is that people would be shocked of one woman bathing another with other hints being tossed in, but it was not like that.

In other cases, people have become so alienated from one another, more often with very valid reasons, souls that have become fractured or shattered when a touch becomes some to fear or to hurt or someone control that we have forgotten or become unused to "caring without suffering attached to it.

People intellectualize or depersonalize "loving" people not in IRL, but at safe distances, losing out on our common humanity, "sharing" in Farmville sharing faux food instead of breaking bread in real life, in real time with people we know face on.

People go to such elaborate means to "care" only while it is abstract, at a distance and not have to really do anything. We have come to a point I thnk, in our collective mind, have absolutely lost our collective mind, seem to have lost our way over the simplest things that could make a difference.

For real...

In real time.

This nurse had no hidden agenda... It had nothing to do with "OMG a woman touched me!" but definitely of one tending to the sick & the needy.

I thought to myself, it is the 1st time since I was a baby since someone did something like that to me & tears welled up. It was comforting and it made me feel stronger.

I thought about that TV miniseries from a couple of decades ago "The Women of Brewster Place" starring Oprah Winfrey & a exceptional cast of actors. In the one scene after a young woman, played beautifully by actor Lynn Moody, lost her baby and while she she was almost comatose from grief a scene showed Ms Winfrey in character, bathing this young woman and she wept & wept & wept seems like forever.

The loving act was comforting allowing the woman to render her grief without having to do anything else, but grieve.

This was a lot like that for me.,

As I fell ,weakened, back in bed feeling so much better although weak, I thank her for what she had done and her response was she was simply doing her job. I told her it was more then that & that I bet she took really good care of her mama. She smiled and said she did indeed loved her mama. My thoughts was you could tell with all the tenderness she took care for me who was about the age of her mama but a total stranger.

I won't forget her easily and what she did for me...

We a re a composite, bits and pieces or a dizzying array of experiences emotions, living. everything we do can indeed affect in large or small ways other parts of our health.

When we care for all, we care for the one & the one will care for the all.

Way for me to Know~All the ways Healing takes Place

Blooming Basil 9-6-10 All rights reserved JHM

There are many who do not know I had an emergency hospital emergency 8 day stay with a 2nd surgery August 27th following a previous surgery stay August 11th. The second surgery came out of the blue while I was recuperating from the 1st surgery. I am ok home resting, weaken, but thankfully managing to survive 2 surgeries in 3 1/2 weeks!

Needless to say it has run a major curve for me the next few weeks. But I am here and I am healing! Which brings me to this story...


Today I had two unexpected visitors both bringing unexpected gifts. Funny thing in their way these two women brought me exactly what I needed for the day, their time attention & love.

While not knowing one another are very similar in personality and close in age (66 & 68) The 68 year old is very scattered brain, but huge heart, very passionate about New Orleans spending time before coming up my way helping others use Labor Day (how appropriately) to mow down all the high weeds & grass in a part of the Lower 9th Ward putting their time not talk into the community, health food,/organic living. She taught in Berkley on the reservations for a number of years, very hippie-ish and a very vocal advocate. Just really scattered, I tease her calling her Mrs. Magoo as driving with her is an experience.

. Anyway she went our local store and brought me lots of fresh fruit, some jambalaya (with shrimp only) a couple of newspapers & her company.

The 66 year old clean up my kitchen swept my floor, took out my garbage and visited. She also is very scattered, loud, unrefined but heart as big as all out doors. I was so tickled when she went to take out my garbage she out it in my compost because all the other times she came I gave her my compost bag to dispose so she thought this was going there too. She had never seen a compost or a organic garden before, very prim & proper knows very little about community activism, but can be verrrry vocal about ppl abusing the neighborhood.

But I watched her as she swept up my porch, bringing in all my clippings to go into my bag for my compost. (hmm maybe she's learning?) While I tried to figure out her cell phone as she knows nothing but the basics (on & off).

Shows you 60-something can be very eclectic eh?

And they are here for me as I am for them in ways that cannot always be measured. And while there are those days their collective scattering may send me up the wall, I KNOW they will be with me when the chips are down...


So now I tire and will lay down for awhile & thankful for this day.